That's It!!!!
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That's It!!!!
| Mon, 04-04-2005 - 1:32am |
You know what, I'v been posting here a lot, and excuse me for that, but I need to vent. I need to know that other people know what I am doing just to make me feel that it is going to happen. (People who have gone thru what I'm going thru.) That's it! I'm not talking to him anymore, not to ask for money (yes, I am a SAHM and I have to ask him for money), if we are going thru our many periods where we hate eachother and are not talking (which is mostly all the time), he does not leave me some money (very little) in the usual place for things I might need. Right now, he has access to the car, and it is a big, bulky car that I don't feel comfortable driving, so he does the food shopping, etc. But that's it! I am not asking him for anymore money. I don't want to talk to him. I want to lose weight (I am currently 280 lbs.), get a job while losing weight, (have tried but so far, no luck). Also, I am going to the Women's Center on Tuesday. No, I am not going to ask him to drive me, I will take THREE buses to avoid asking him to take me. I will venge my wrath upon him, one day, I swear, but for now he will only see my trail of dust. Never, in my entire life, did I hate someone like I hate him. Never, could I have believed, that I, (I?) I would get caught in this sick, twisted psychological nightmare of a sexless marriage. Never did a girl like me, who was always thought of to be intelligent, pretty, very talented, a girl who would go so far, never in my wildest dreams could I have believed that I would be in this type of situation. I go to bed praying that he has a heart attack in his sleep. I have never hated anyone this much. The only thing I could do now is NOT talk to him because even if I ask him to pass the salt at the dinner table, he manages somehow to say something incredibly condescending. I have my self pride, I will not talk to him or ask him for a single dime anymore. And my own personal revenge will be to never talk to him anymore, try to seek sole custody (not for revenge, but because he is a sick SOB) and turn my back on him and leave him the way I found him, a pathetic, miserable loser disguised as a pleasant human being. I feel so bad when I say this, but I really hope the man has enough of a medical thing happen to him, so as to keep him away from me. This man will be the cause of us going into deep therapy. I am at the point where I am seriously thinking of going into some kind of women's shelter. I don't want him around me or my children. But how can you prove psychological and emotional abuse? There are no physical scars, most of what he does is passive aggressive stuff. Only G-D can help me now. I truly feel that only G-D can help me now. There is no family to go to, since I am barely talking to my parents, and my sister lives far away. But at least I will get this out in the open at the Women's Center. I used to think it went against my pride to seek some solace from a Women's Shelter, but now I see, I need to get out as quickly as I can. I can only imagine the problems I will have from him while getting on my own two feet. He will either come to his senses and let me live at our place until I am on my feet WITHOUT bothering me as he is doing now while I am trying to get financially stable enough to leave him, or he will get revenge and continually sabotage my efforts in living in peace long enough to gain some financial independence. But as I said, once and for all, I will get it out in the open. Just tell me, how did this happen to me? I am incredulous that it is. I still can't believe it. For anyone out there who doesn't think that abuse comes in many forms, let me state that PSYCHOLOGICAL and EMOTIONAL abuse ARE REAL. Can someone please update the outdated Family Court system and let them know? I haven't dealt with them yet, but I am aware that these places are not sensitive enough to the more "subtle" types of abuse that are out there. Although there is nothing subtle about what I'm going thru. All that would help me now are stories of women who went thru this and their victories. It kills me inside to know that I have two healthy, beautiful little girls and I am living in this situation. What is he trying to do? Drag us all down into his sickness? As I said before, G-D help me. In this marriage, he barely brought enough money home (there are no finances to speak of to divide), I had a sexless marriage (once every year and a half on average) he was very cold and distant, and for the last few years has been controlling, manipulative, and very critical. This is what I put up with. (Why?) I have my two beautiful children from this marriage. But anyway, I am in the process of getting out. Finally.

I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this. I know it's hard, and I don't really know what to say, except that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Since you're in the process of leaving, and a stay at home mom, why don't you go to your local DFS office. I was a SAHM too when my ex left....he left my daughter and I with nothing except ALL of the bills. I went to the DFS office and filed as separated, which I then in turn received food stamps and temporary assistance from the state. I didn't know what else to do, but I had to put food on the table and somehow pay the bills. It helped a great deal.
I was/am also enrolled full time in school, and the state paid 1/2 my tuition, and then the school gave me a refund, which helped a lot. I also found a p/t job that helps a little, which is good.
You sound like a very strong, intelligent woman, who is just going through a very rough time. You can and will make it through this...it may be hard, but don't give up! You deserve better and so do your children! And you're right, abuse does not always have to be physical. I can't understand why the court system, etc. can't get that through their thick heads.
Just know that you're not alone....and it does help to vent and get it out in the open!
Lots of hugs....lots of luck!
Kait
Hi there,
First off, hugs to you.
Secondly, yes you are intelligent and know when something isn't good for you, which in my book is the strongest thing anyone could possibley do.
Wow, you have obviously been through a lot and have withstood a lot to have such strong feelings. Do not feel shame in asking for help. Perhaps you should also contact your parents. I know that when things with stbx and me were okay, I would sometimes have a rocky relationship with my parents. They have come through for me. It was hard for them to watch me support my family and stbx emotionally, financially (although stbx has an engineering degree that I worked to put him through school), and physically. It was too much for them and I felt they were being critcal of me, when really they were just hoping I'd finally have enough of the BS my stbx was handing me and get out. Hang in there sweetie and don't worry about posting too much, we're all here for you!
Melanie
wow - i could;ve written your post myself! well, parts of it, at least. i was also in a sexless marriage, with a controlling abusive man. and yes, its hard to prove it - because those manipulative SOBs know how to get people to belive them (after all, they managed to get us wonderful women to marry 'em, lol!)
when i look back, now, at everything i went thru, and how low and degraded and angry i was..... and how, in
Mandel! As most of us have been involved in abusive relationships, the scorn only comes from the continued abuse that we suffer at the hands of our STBX, during the divorce. Before you can judge any of us, you should read some posts from the archives. Maybe then you can understand our reactions to what is currently happening...
Continue to post here with constructive criticsm.