Therapist says it's going to get worse

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2003
Therapist says it's going to get worse
Wed, 08-24-2011 - 5:50pm

My husband left me 3 weeks ago. I started seeing a therapist last week. Today she told me that it's going to get worse for me before it gets better. I haven't had much anger towards my husband; I think I'm trying to protect myself from more pain. I've done a LOT of crying since H left. His leaving came as a total shock to me! We're communicating some via e-mail, but, only about things like insurance and money. I don't want to ask him why he left because I don't think he'll give me an answer I can accept. He went to live with his kids; I'm in the house that was our home surrounded by memories on every wall. So many things to be scared about..... I don't have the energy for anger.

Thanks for letting me cry on your shoulders!

It's a beautiful Summer day here, but, it sure doesn't look like it to me.....

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Wed, 08-24-2011 - 10:25pm


Hi. I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation. It seems you had no clue that your husband was unhappy? How sad he didn't communicate with you about his needs or wants. I'm glad you are seeing a therapist and getting assistance with your emotions.

My next piece of advice is also practical: Get yourself to an experienced divorce attorney pronto! While you are in shock you need to know your legal rights and responsibilities and you need someone objective who can speak for you about your situation. Please don't avoid doing this. Every day that goes by leaves you more vunerable to legal issues you may not even be aware of. So, stop crying long enough to find an attorney. The sooner, the better.

I'd also advise you to open you own bank accounts. if you have joint accounts with your husband, you'd be wise to check those balances and take out any money that is yours or is needed for your bills. Do not deposit funds into these joint accounts any longer. Get your own account right away.

Again, I'm glad you're getting emotional help but you need legal help. Pick up that phone first thing tomorrow and get an appointment.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 08-26-2011 - 1:55pm
I have to echo Wisdomtooth.

I am so glad you are seeing a T, but it is important to be practical, also. I don't know that it exactly gets worse, but I do know there are stages and I am guessing the T is refering to when you will probably get angry.

Sorry it all took you by surprise. Hang in there, you will be OK.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2003
Sun, 08-28-2011 - 5:34pm

Thanks for the support. I checked around and found a lawyer I think I'll be happier with. I've been busy looking for a job - this applying online is new to me!

I also spent several hours yesterday trying to get things off the patio and yard in preparation for Hurricane Irene. I don't live on the coast, but, we were predicted to get tropical storm winds and rain. I got a cheap tracfone yesterday so I'd be able to communicate with the world if things got bad. I got some of my anger out today. I was terrified during the worst parts of the storm - crying and yelling at my husband for leaving me to cope with this kind of thing alone. Thankfully I've been lucky and didn't lose power even for a minute, but, my nerves are almost shot. At least I should sleep well tonight. And this week I'm going to ask my therapist for some ways to cope better with storms.....