is there an advantage to file first

Avatar for firstglimpse
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
is there an advantage to file first
3
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 9:18pm

I do not want a divorce ... DO NOT, DO NOT.

But there is a real possibility we're heading in that direction. Is there an advantage in the divorce if you are first to file ... especially where child custody is involved?

Bonnie




"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2005
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 10:42pm
Bonnie, I am in the very same boat floating unwillingly down the same river. From what I understand as of now, if you file first, the judge orders you temporary custody of the kids.
Good luck, and I am soooo sorry.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 11:08pm
I am sorry to hear about your situation. I didn't want a divorce either but my husband said there was no hope and he needed a divorce to deal with his addictions(sex and alcohol)after 18 yrs of being together. I consulted with an attorney and she said that it would be better for me to file first. That way, she could get it in the court she wanted before his atty could. I filed right away and she got it in her court. Funny though, he called her because he wanted her too and when he found out I got the atty he wanted, he called another atty ( the 2nd atty that was referred to me) There are so many attys where I live and out of all of them, he picked the two that I was referred to. My sister works for a law office and a former DA highly recommended the atty I have and as a second choice, recommended the one my H got. Now that I have filed, he wants to go to counseling and now he loves me and I am his soulmate and can't imagine life without me. This is after he has admitted to having numerous flings the whole time we have known one another. I feel I would never be able to trust him again and can't live that way wondering every second where he is or what he is doing. That's just me.
We are going to try a mediator first, haven't had a court hearing, but will do mediation on November 2nd for 4-5 hours. Not sure what will all go on, but will talk to my atty the day before so she can prepare me.
Good luck with whatever you do
Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 11:27pm

I think the advantage is that you get to ask for whatever you want if you file first.

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