Is there joy in divorce?
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Is there joy in divorce?
| Mon, 03-26-2007 - 4:44pm |
I have been divorced for three years. During this time I feel like the best medicine I can have is finding hope and joy in the stories of others. Have any of you found joy in this gloomy time?
Are your children doing well?
Have you found love for yourself?
How has your life changed for the better?
I would appreciate any and all stories of hope and joy.

Hi - seeing as you weren't getting many responses, thought I'd chime in. Although my story may not be what you're looking for
My divorce finalized less than 2 years ago. My ex was bitter and tried to get alimony, future earning potential, legal fees, etc. I was the breadwinner, you see. He wanted me to climb the corporate ladder so he could sit on the couch. I hated my job, but my divorce proceedings were tying me to it. So it took a 1 1/2 years for my divorce to finalize. During that time I kept thinking I was going to crumble and just give into him. In the end he got half of our assets, but nothing else. (no kids, btw)
Now, nearly 2 years later, I bought a house, changed jobs twice, and am making more than I did when I was married. I just broke up with my bf of nearly a year, but I've found that I don't need a man to make me happy. I have great friends who I've reconnected with and who I've discovered stopped hanging out with me because my ex was such a jerk.
As for my ex, thru the grapevine I've heard he's bitter and still angry that he didn't get more money from me. He tells anyone that will listen that I ruined his life.
J,
My divorce (nearly 10 years ago now) was sad not mad. I mourned the loss of my 12-year marriage for a long time, but I moved on with my life despite my sadness.
Today, I am happily remarried to a man who is my best friend. Our marriage is warm and loving and we enjoy a deep intimacy that isn't tied to material possessions, but to a shared faith. We enjoy being together. That's so different from my first marriage because that relationship was more about achieving things, i.e. acquiring a better job, a house, a new car, etc. I look back and realzie we had a shared enthusaism for doing things like hiking, camping, canoeing, etc., but no shared enthusiasm for life together. We had no other things in common.
As I said, it took me a long while to let go of that marriage but once I did I was free to enjoy my new life and the man I now share it with as a spouse.
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
Well I'm not divorced yet and haven't even filed, but I can answer several of your questions.
Yes, I've found joy in doing things I haven't done in ages. I've gone camping twice (something I love to do) and spent many weekends outdoors with nature. I've found joy in spending time with myself - by myself. I've found joy in my children's smiles and really seeing them and spending quality time with them.
Yes. I have. It may just be a rebound relationship (I wouldn't know as I've never broken up with anyone before), but I have found love with someone and we've been together for nearly 6 months now. He treats me better than my stbx ever could in many ways. He is loving, devoted, sweet, caring, attentive. He helps me realize daily how beautiful I am. He's helped me to love me for who I am - inside and out. I've actually lost 20 pounds since December and am going strong at becoming more healthy for myself. He continues to support me through everything and he's an absolutely wonderful man.
My life has become more joyous because I am choosing what I want to do and doing it. I'm living my life rather than my life ruling me. I'm not spending tons of money I can't afford to do things, but I am enjoying the outdoors (something I love) and I am looking at changing jobs to do something different. I am finding joy in the little things in life - like last weekend, sitting in my tent, feeling the breeze on my face, looking out over the lake, watching the wind blow in the trees----i felt a real sense of peace come over me that I haven't felt in a long time. This wasn't anything major, but for me, it was a milestone! I am learning to enjoy my life, living it one day at a time, and really living it to the fullest. We are only here on this earth for a short time and I don't have time to sit around and let it pass me by.
If you are searching for joy jjj272007 what is it holding you back? What is it causing you continual grief or holding you up from enjoying your life? What do you think is the problem? Is there even a problem or did you just want to post a thread about joy to read and feel uplifted?
There are many things throughout the week that get me down, but it's the love of a good man and the drive to overcome this grief that push me to continue working towards a better me.
NO. There is absolutely NO joy in DIVORCE.
However, there is MUCH joy to be had in reclaiming yourself and rebuilding your life. During my marriage, I neglected the fun, creative part of my personality to the extent that it almost disappeared. Not only did I rediscover these parts, I've been working on developing them in order to become the more complete, new and improved me, and to implement these changes in the rest of my life.
I've also learned to embrace the fact that I'm not "on call" 24/7 to the needs of others. After the separation/divorce, it took literally MONTHS and MONTHS to figure out what the heck to do with myself since my freetime had been totally taken up with taking care of "the family" and "family business". In fact, I sat and stared at the four walls because I just didn't even know how to begin to do for myself, to do things *I* wanted to do, for no other reason than that I wanted to do it FOR ME.
Instead of resenting the limited time I have with my former stepkids (yes, I won visitation), sometimes I'm actually glad that I don't have to run all over to soccer, basketball, chess tournaments, late night runs to Wal-Mart for project supplies, etc. I've also realized that I didn't lose the EX, or the ability to engender love in another. I lost an albatross around my neck, and learned just how much love I truly have in my life w/o him getting in the way of receiving it.
I guess whenever I start focusing on everything I've lost, I try to think of what I still have, what I've gained, and the positive side of whatever it is I've lost. Losing time with the kids is still the hardest, but I've learned that my bond with the kids is stronger than I ever thought it was, in order to survive the long separations, and that little revelation was HUGE to me, since, as an SM, I often wondered if they really cared about me as a person separate from their dad.