is there a Santa??

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
is there a Santa??
12
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 7:59pm

this may sound trivial or silly but it is really eating at me.
we have been trying to work out the Xmas thing..wasn't really an issue since his family always celebrates it on Xmas eve..mine on Xmas day..simple right...wrong!!
my stbx has decided he will get the children 1 gift each.about $150..and none from Santa
so that leaves me to put presents under the tree from Santa..which means I probably won't be able to afford any from me..usually not a big deal..but I have the competition thing going on..I tried to explain it to him..but he just didn't understand..duh...
he expected me to give the gifts from Santa..he even asked the kids for a Xmas list..but he already has 2 out of the 3 gifts..so the kids will get nothing on their lists..they are only 8,6 & 6..I don't want to have the "Santa talk" yet..

This sounds really materialistic doesn't it??
that isn't my point ..I just want to make it as close to the same as last year..just without the other parent...is this too much to expect??




Edited 11/7/2005 8:05 pm ET by mom_nettiejane

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 8:29pm

Buy small presents for the kids from Santa and then tell them, "Santa goes to Daddy's house to leave presents too."

Then tell your x it is up to him to either get Santa presents or explain to the kids why Santa only comes to your house and not to his.

Nancy

nolson_golden
Proud Parent of 3: Tiara, Tawnya and Tannessa
Grandmother of 2: Richard and Matthew

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 8:43pm
well that is simple..what cant I see the forest for the trees?? lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 10:40pm
My kids have "Santa" at both places now :-)

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 9:25am
Word of advice, don't get sucked into the "competition" thing. It just teaches them to manipulate. My daughter has started that and I'm nipping it in the bud right now!! They are going to get nice presents for Christmas and I am going to focus on a fun, relaxing time with family and friends and letting them make some traditions too. It's not going to be all about the gifts. I am fortunate that I get them for the whole holiday weekend (his choice)so there isn't the going back and forth.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 12:08pm
I didn't mean to make is sound like it is all about gifts..that's not how I really feel..I did tell him that he has to drop the kids off at home Xmas eve after his family get-together...I wanted them to wake up at home..he readily agreed to that...he can now spend Xmas with his girlfriend...good for him..
Avatar for mom2maggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 1:37pm

Santa will be leaving gifts at both homes. Our children will be spending Christmas eve with their father and Christmas Day with me. We're going to alternate each year which house the kids wake up on Christmas morning.

Here's my little dilema : STBX wants me to send him a list of all of the gifts I am getting for the kids in order to avoid duplication and/or competition. I agree that I'd like to deal with any potential problems now and not during the holiday. However, I just don't feel right emailing him a list.

I think I'm hesitiant because he rarely shares details of any kind with me and I'm finally learning how to not share my details with him. This is the same man who for years hid "extra" gifts for the kids just from "him". He played the hero and I got to pay the credit card bill. I'm trying to keep as much of my life as I can private, which is very little since my life primarily revolves around the kids. He never responds to my emails when I send them. I'm fairly certain that if I send him a list, he won't send his back to me.

I'm not really upset about this, but should I even waste thought on it at all?? Should I practice his M.O. and do nothing unless he really presses the issue?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 1:46pm

my situation is similar..only stbx didnt even think that maybe we would duplicate presents
when I mentioned it he told me to tell him what I got them & then he would go buy their presents..I was hesitant about this..he is the one with the money..& he is very competitive with me especially when it comes to the kids..I sent him a partial list.

but at the end of the day..unless you want to tell the kids there is no santa..and risk them getting duplicate gift from Santa you should probably give him part of a list.

on the other hand - is there any chance there will be duplicate gifts?..my stbx doesn't really know his kids..I have always bought their presents..he ended up buying an expensive gift for out 6yr old ds..something my stbx wanted for himself!

we just have to remember this is for the kids...set our issues aside..sooooo harrrrd!!

ps...when I send my stbx an e-mail I have to call his office, ask his secretary to print it off & give it to him ..then he calls me back with an answer!!..men!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2004
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 2:58pm

What if you suggested that he send YOU the list of what HE is buying? That way he doesn't know all the details and it still avoids duplication. I would suggest it and throw in that way he doesn't have to mess with returning gifts during the holiday season because you know how much he hates crowded malls or something to that effect. Make it look like you are doing him the favor of keeping track of the dulpication because he is soo busy or whatever his pet peave is. That way you don't share your details and he may go along with it if he sees it is less work for him. Unless he is just doing it to try and still be in control and if so, then my suggestion is out the window!

Just my 2 cents,
AS

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 4:03pm

I just totally understand what you are feeling about the "competition" thing. I was sucked into that too and I am still the "bad guy". My ex buys very little and he's still the good guy because he undermines me to the kids. They see it as bad that I make them help me at home and don't give in to everything. He gives them the notion that if I don't give them money every time they ask for it then I'm bad.

He says no when they ask for money and he still gets to be the good guy. I have to figure out his secret to being a jerk and getting away with it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 3:23pm

When you find out that secret, PLEASE clue me in!!!!!!!

It's happening over here too.

I married (and divorced) such a charming manipulative idiot!!!!!

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