They can move on why can't we?
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| Sat, 07-23-2005 - 5:50pm |
My ex has moved on, but he does everything in his power to sabatage any chances I have of moving on. He doesn't take the kids when he's supposed to and is late picking them up so if I have plans I can't go or am late. I almost never have a night to myself because he makes zero effort to have the kids go down to his place.
He not only tries to sabatage my personal life, but he tries to make it impossible for me to work. His job has always been to take our youngest to the sitters in the morning before she goes to school. I have to leave at 6 am to be to work and he goes in later. He leaves me guessing as to whether or not he'll take her. He also doesn't approve of my work schedule because it varies and he only wants to have the kids on certain days so as not to interfere with whatever woman he's seeing. He's told me on many occasions that I need to find a 9 to 5-type job because he wants the kids certains days during the week. The trouble with that is that a 9 to 5 job pays less and I'm the main breadwinner and I take care of their health insurance. His job is largly seasonal and it's a crapshoot as to whether or not he'll have work in the winter.
If he gets wind of me going out with a guy friend with the kids I get cutting emails. I don't really like having my boyfriend around them much just because I'm testing the waters, but my ex doesn't take the kids much and I need to be around friends too. I find myself constantly compromising because of my ex's refusal to play fair and take responsiblity for the kids' day to day care.

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That's just what I'm saying - let the guy get his anger out -he'll come around - what gets me is people who come on here and demonize someone, but only one side is shown.
No, it is no astounding feat, but difficult for someone to do when they have been made a fool of.....
I co-parent successfully with my ex, even though I came close to bankruptcy by trusting too much, he got the OW pregnant while we were still married and the OW has sneered in my face many a time that she won the "prize."
Hugs, Brenda
Hugs, Brenda
I'm NOT making him out to be the big bad wolf! He's being lazy, he told the judge he wanted 50/50 custody yet he isn't doing his part. He doesn't help pay for their clothes or their medical bills, he doesn't pick them up on time, and picks and chooses which kids he'll take places with him when he's not working. I've got hundreds of dollars worth of medical bills that I'm left holding the bag on because he's too busy out having a good time.
Whatever issues he has with me should not be affecting the kids!
Edited 7/24/2005 5:28 pm ET ET by outofmymind2004
>>>How could you think that issues between an ex-H and ex-W so close to the divorce would NOT spill over into the relationship with the kids???<<<
There is truth in this. That is why I spent several miserable months letting my ex-h vent all he wanted about me leaving him. I know this won't work for everyone else, and counseling is a good alternative to it too. We were stuck living in the house until we could sell it and move and I took advantage of that time to let my ex-h 'get it all out of his system' so to speak. We also spent endless hours discussing how we handle things when it came to dd and setting new ground rules for our post-separation parenting relationship. It was a lot of work and much of it was very painful to go through. But it was worth it becuase we emerged ready to co-parent. When people say to me that I am lucky to have an amicable divorce and a good co-parenting relationship, it kind of makes me mad. Luck had nothing to do with it (although I am lucky that I don't have an abusive ex, becuase what we did wouldn't be possible if one of us was abusive).
Do you believe the issue is really he doesn't want to have a relationship with his children? Or is the issue more likely that he's trying to hurt you? Those are completely different issues and should be handled differently.
As I said in the previous post, having a successful co-parenting relationship has very little to do with optomism. It has a lot more to do with communication and setting a goal together that you both want to do what is best for the children regardless of the pain and then sitting down and figuring out how to make that happen.
I'm not sure if he's not wanting a relationship with them. He doesn't seem to be around much and is late picking them up when it's been four days since he's seen them. He's using them to get back at me and it's to the point where the older ones don't even want to visit with him when he does show up to take them. I think once he found out that he wasn't going to get childsupport he decided he was going to let parental responsibilities go and focus on his women friends.
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