They can move on why can't we?
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| Sat, 07-23-2005 - 5:50pm |
My ex has moved on, but he does everything in his power to sabatage any chances I have of moving on. He doesn't take the kids when he's supposed to and is late picking them up so if I have plans I can't go or am late. I almost never have a night to myself because he makes zero effort to have the kids go down to his place.
He not only tries to sabatage my personal life, but he tries to make it impossible for me to work. His job has always been to take our youngest to the sitters in the morning before she goes to school. I have to leave at 6 am to be to work and he goes in later. He leaves me guessing as to whether or not he'll take her. He also doesn't approve of my work schedule because it varies and he only wants to have the kids on certain days so as not to interfere with whatever woman he's seeing. He's told me on many occasions that I need to find a 9 to 5-type job because he wants the kids certains days during the week. The trouble with that is that a 9 to 5 job pays less and I'm the main breadwinner and I take care of their health insurance. His job is largly seasonal and it's a crapshoot as to whether or not he'll have work in the winter.
If he gets wind of me going out with a guy friend with the kids I get cutting emails. I don't really like having my boyfriend around them much just because I'm testing the waters, but my ex doesn't take the kids much and I need to be around friends too. I find myself constantly compromising because of my ex's refusal to play fair and take responsiblity for the kids' day to day care.

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I guess I'm lucky, I made more money than my ex-H so I was prepared if he didn't pay the child support he promised (which he hasn't - no surprise there!!). I did tell him that if I lose my job - he will have to pick up the slack or I and my son are out of here (Northern CA). All my family is in Michigan and I would have no problem leaving here and taking up somewhere else - especially with my ex-H's track record - not paying child support, 2 possibly 3 kids out of wedlock (I sure picked a winner!!).
I do not regret for one minute though that I have my beautiful son from the marriage of my ex-H and I - he is a true gift from god. In fact I'm going to go give him a kiss right now!!!
The main thrust of this topic for me is this. He can move on, go out and have a good time, but I can't. He can be late picking up the kids because he's been gone for days having a good time, but if I want to go somewhere I have to rely on him being on time to pick up HIS kids on HIS night to have them. It's just unequal and somebody has to be there for the kids and since he isn't I have to pick up the slack for HIM.
First ammendment was right. I am going to make alternative plans for them when he's not around. I'll be putting it to the test on Friday night.
I outearn my ex-h as well. We have 50/50 custody and I end up paying him child support plus covering all of dd's expeneses (preschool is $10k per year) myself. I don't have any family here and I have been practically begging him to move back home (where we are both from) but he's refused. I did promise I would never take dd from him so I'm stuck here. That promise comes from not growing up near my dad and always wishing I had (not that it's my mom's fault for moving away, my dad was not a good parent, but my ex-h is a good parent and I can't see taking her away from him).
Edited 7/25/2005 7:30 am ET ET by firstamendment
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