They're children, not playmates!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2006
They're children, not playmates!
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 3:06pm

My XH and I have 50/50 custody and the kids go back and forth weekly (we switch on Mondays). Our divorce was final 4/3, but we've been doing the kid-schedule since Sept. Lately, it's becoming a cycle that they come to me absolutely exhausted. Then I have to spend my week with them enforcing a strict early bedtime (I'm pretty strict about that anyway) - they're only 7 (DD) and 4.5 (DS)! - so they're feeling better by the weekend only to give them back on Monday for him to "play" and wear them out again. Besides the obvious that it's hurting them, it's not fair to us that we don't get to have much fun because our week is spent on catching up on rest. Especially now that it's daylight savings (and here in WA it's already staying light until 8:45), he seems to have thrown a set bedtime out the window - we've (I've) always had them in bed 7:45/8pm. I called a couple time last week to talk to my DD around 8pm and they weren't even home! I got them back yesterday mid-day so I could see them on Easter and my DS had a low fever, even grabbed a blanket and went to sleep on the couch for 1.5 hrs all on his own - he NEVER does that! Then was sound asleep by 7:45 last night and woke up crying because he was so tired! #$%#$%@@#%!!! Oh, I found out from DD that they were at their aunt's house Sat. night for dinner and stayed really late. That's after Lord-knows how many late nights throughout the week!

Then there's school....my DD is in first grade. I emailed to tell XH last week that daycare/preschool was closed this past Friday (it's a Christian facility) so our DS wouldn't be going and he'd have to drop off/pick up DD at school directly instead of her going straight to daycare after school. He apparently thought that was too much trouble, because he just blew off school for her to go "play" for the day. It's one thing is DS misses (he's only in preschool) and they were closed....but to teach my DD that it's just okey-dokey to blow off 1st grade?!?!?!?!

I'm happy that they have fun with XH, but it's just not right that he run them to the ground! They get to my house and I can almost see them take a big sigh and relax...knowing that they're going to be able to rest and that they'll know the schedule. I have a bad feeling about the summer....it'll be staying light until 10pm. Also, I found out that he's got camping reservations made for 4 of his weekends, with the only break being around July 4th, so there'll be no rest there. What if I want to take them? They'll end up camping every weekend this summer! Not that that's horrible, but I still have to work, so therefore will still be getting them up early, etc, etc. I feel like he's still playing the "I'm going to out-do you" game of parenting. He took all the camping gear, so he knows damn-well that doing that will be a stretch for me! And that I don't get off work until 5pm every day....not that easy for me to be constantly leaving early each Friday to take them someplace. btw - he works from home and has a horrible work ethic. I'm sure part of this is just plain jealousy, that I want to be able to do all that fun stuff with my children. But a big part of it is that I'm going to be forced to always be the responsible parent and sticking around home in order for them to get some rest and calm.

Sorry for the overly-long post....my fingers wouldn't stop once the anger started to flow! Any ideas??? And if I try to talk to him about it, he'll just realize that it bugs me and do it more....which CERTAINLY won't help my children!