Thinking About Divorce

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Thinking About Divorce
14
Mon, 07-07-2008 - 6:27pm

I am 34 years old and a mother of three kids ages 2, 4, and 6.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2008
Mon, 07-07-2008 - 11:41pm

You are definately not in an easy position. I can't tell you what to do nor would I want to. Every situation is unique but I do know we are all here for support. I would ask you these questions though:


Have you and your husband communicated about

Phoenix Firebird 08
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Tue, 07-08-2008 - 8:16am

We spent two years in counseling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2004
Tue, 07-08-2008 - 8:59am

IMO, you should not stay together for the sake of the children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Tue, 07-08-2008 - 9:32am

Thank you for your advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2007
Tue, 07-08-2008 - 9:55am

Hi mum..geesh, you have my old AND new story..I hate to sound like a bummer, but here goes.


Met second husband 18 yrs ago, I was on welfare and broke raising 3 kids, very low child support (230 dollars per month).


After a few years with 2nd husband I knew I wanted out..he was and still is abusive and an alcoholic. I saved money and left him 3 times, only to come crawling back when my pitiful job wouldnt pay the bills

~Lisa  =))

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Tue, 07-08-2008 - 10:18am
I have been holding out leaving for that very reason!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 07-08-2008 - 11:01am

I think you do have to plan ahead if you want a future w/o your DH.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2007
Tue, 07-08-2008 - 11:08am

Hi again.. I feel for you girl! I have tried it with three children. Just having ONE is hard.


BUT, not impossible. Did you do a child support calculator to figure out the child support? In my situation, their father basically went underground, so my measly support was rare and few. I could never count on it, like I cannot count on support for my grandaughter. Her biological father has been hiding and has never paid a penny in CS, my daughter, who is the mother, buys her toys and such on occassion, but still doesnt contribute. We fight about it all the time!


I know how scary it is when you have not worked in many years. You are going to have to find some type of job to work around the kids school hours. If you have no family to watch the younger ones, the state will provide daycare. You should also get plenty of food stamps so you do not starve.


I had moved into the cheapest apartment ($425) I could find. We shared a one bedroom..I found a job, but it wasnt steady enough..then I was in a car wreck. Messed me up and my car, lost my job. I started selling my stuff which helped for a month or two. I got behind on bills and went to the welfare office for help. Unfortunately I wasnt involved with any church, so bills got behind. I did get another job, but too late..I got evicted, lost my job, had surgery, and had to move back 'home' to him...


We were never hungry though with the food stamps.


So now I have to find another job, save for a few months AND pay off the utility bills I had to leave behind. I will most likely end up with a judgement for breaking my last apt. lease and will be lucky to find another apt.


You have to plan on NOT getting the child support. I know that sounds bad, but he could stop it, lose his job, etc..like you mentioned. Save money, make a plan, find a job, find the smallest apartment you can live in, apply for child support and state aid, go from there.


If and when cs does come in, pay the rent and bills first....You may be one of the lucky few and he pays faithfully.


Good luck and keep us posted, please!

~Lisa

~Lisa  =))

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 07-08-2008 - 4:32pm

Lisa,


I have to say that based on your unfortunate experience, if the OP is just unhappy but not in an abusive situation, it might be better if she bided her time until she was able to get a job that would support herself & the kids instead of hoping that welfare was the answer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2006
Wed, 07-16-2008 - 6:27pm

I'm in the same boat as you are...SAHM for 14 years...but my youngest is 9.

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