Thinking of Divorce...In Late Twenties

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2005
Thinking of Divorce...In Late Twenties
13
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 5:00pm

I am so confussed and unhappy! I am 28 and thinking of divorcing a wonderful husband and man because, quite frankly, I'm just not in love with him. Our relationship is more of a brother/sister relationship...no passion at all. It's been ions since we were physically involved. I have tried to ignore my needs but it's just so hard and as I get older I'm realizing that it's both unfair to him and me. He deserves a loving wife!

But, all of that being said, I am petrified! Not only am I scared that this relationship is as good as it gets and I have unrealistic expectations, but I'm also nervous about being such a young divorcee. Most of my friends are in long term relationships so I will not have a "wingman" for the occassional Saturday night bar crawl. Any advice? Anyone go through this at a young age? Anyone out there my age and thinking the same thoughts?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2005
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 5:56pm

Hey again.

I have been with him for over 7 years and married for 4. I met him when I was 19. Didn't really get to experience much. We dated for a couple years and according to everything that I had been taught growing up, the next step was to get engaged. We did, then married, then got a dog, then bought a house and were talking children. Just like it's "supposed" to go. That's when I realized things weren't quite right. I did love him and I still love him like a brother. But I got married way too young. I've been having some really rough days. When I told him about my cheating (which was a one-time thing, but with a friend), he got mad and called everyone that we know to tell them. So now there are a lot of people that are being pretty mean to me because all they know if that I cheated, not that we had problems (he was good at hiding the problems). It sucks, but it's getting better every day. And I know in my heart I am doing the right thing for myself.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2005
Wed, 12-14-2005 - 8:22am

Hi aeb1979,

WOW! So similar...

My husband and I moved in together almost immediately after meeting and I think that a large part of my desire to marry him was because it was "the next logical step". Ugh.

Fortunately for me, so far, he doesn't know about the affair. We have very few friends in common, which is probably an issue in itself...after 8 years together one would think that our social lives would be more entwined, and I am prepared to lose all of the common friends when we finally do decide to end things for good, not because I cheated (they will probably never know) but because they are his friends more than they are mine and he will need their support more than I will. Most of my girlfriends know about my "other" relationship and they are all very supportive. They know that the Mr. and I were unhappy for years and they know that I'm not a bad person, just human. FYI, many of them have found themselves in a similar situation. Someone should do a study!

You need to accept the fact that your true friends will stand by you and the others may walk away. But, you're young and I'm sure that you will meet many new people over the course of the your lifetime. Too bad you don't live in CT!!! :o)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 4:38am
I too believe of course that divorce should be a last option. But, you have been w/ him for almost 8 yrs. You have no children to deal with in a split. I doubt very much things will change ... i think once that passion is gone - or in your case, sounds like it was never there! ... its best for all to move on.

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