Thinking out loud...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Thinking out loud...
6
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 7:42am

Hello everyone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 7:47am

For me, the first thing I needed to do was find a new place to live. Once I had accomplished that, everything started to fall into place. It was no longer like this huge mystery hanging over my head...it was SUCH a relief.

I think that's the most imporating thing....focusing your energy on relocating. Then the job situation will fall into place. You can usually arrange for daycare for a 2-year-old fairly quickly. If you do decide on moving to NC, North Carolina 211 can help you find child care: http://www.nc211.org/

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2006
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 2:56pm

Oh Crystal, I'm so sad for you that you have to make all these dicisions quickly. I had to do the same thing and it nearly killed me. The good news is that I'm well on my way to completing the stuff I need to do (pick a place to move, get a new job there, close and open accounts, sell the house, find a new place to live...) Some of the decisions I made came easily, others I still agaonize over and others were made for me (ex refused to allow me to move home to MD). I can't believe how much I've done in the past year and how much I have left to do. When I think about it too much i get sick. So... I just put one foot in front of the other and continue moving forward. I have a vision of where I want to be and what I want for my family, and I have not wavered from that path (although sometimes I question my decisions). Good luck!

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 3:08pm

Thank you for the link!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 3:10pm

Thanks Laura.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 3:42pm

Crystal,

Remember that God never puts anything in front of you that you can't handle. I was living with my in-laws and didn't have a job when my suspicions of my husband having an affair got the best of me and I decided I HAD to move out by myself. It was Christmas break and I was separating from my husband, suspecting him of cheating (which I found out a month later that he was),moving out, looking for a job and starting a full load of classes, all at the same time. I thought I was going to die!!!

I found an awesome place to live, and got THREE job offers in one week. Granted, it didn't fall into my lap, but it made me realize that I was self-sufficient and I COULD do it on my own. I LOVE my new job and new place, I have met new people that are supportive of me and have been in my shoes before. The whole experience was and continues to be very empowering.

I understand how overwhelmed you are and the tendancy to procrastinate. Even though the situation with your STBX is bad, it is still comfortable for you. Just try as hard as you possibly can to take baby steps. You don't have to do everything all at once! Do not think of the far future, think of what you have to do TODAY.

It is not easy......I have been terrified every step of the way, but every little thing I accomplish is making me stronger and grow as a woman, and dammit, I'm proud of myself! This has been by far the hardest thing I have ever been through, I am just beginning and I know it will probably get harder before it gets easier. But again, obsessing on what MAY happen is useless. Focus on TODAY.

Good luck and know we are thinking of you and have been there! YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 9:57am

Thank you for your encouragement.