For those who've done counseling

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
For those who've done counseling
2
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 1:16pm

How many sessions did you go to?
How often?
Results temporary or permanent (I'm guessing temporary, or we wouldn't all be here!)
Did anyone's counselor tell you that you were basically beyond hope, to just go ahead and separate?

I read someone's post that counseling doesn't necessarily have to get a marriage back together, but it can help you co-parent as best you can. I really liked that thought.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2007
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 2:10pm

My counseling sessions turned into a bashing about what I did wrong for so many years but I am glad that I went. It allowed me to talk to someone and I ended up seeing my counselor on my own. She helped me through a lot and I was glad she got to see our relationship first hand. The best thing I got from counseling was a path to figuring out who I was now and where I was going. I also learned how to help my children the most.

My marriage may not have been "saved" but I was and my relatioship with my children is closer now than ever before. My 12 year old girl actually volunteers to hug me and kiss my cheek.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2007
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 4:02pm

Well our last counselor (we've had several - approximately 4) told me I was just teaching my children how to be adulterers and abandon their children. I never went back to see her. Apparently she realized she said too much and when my stbx went back to see her she prefaced their meeting apologizing for what she said. TOO LATE Beeya! Seriously, even if they get that or see that or realize that - this is something we will discuss as women together when the time is right and I can explain to them my decision - IF I ever choose to do so.

Anyways, I have had trouble finding impartial/non-judgement counselors. I know they are out there, but they are always on HIS side b/c I'm the one that wants the divorce. I'm the one that cheated so long ago. I'm the one that's not stable. W/E I got sick of them. However, we had one that was good because she gave us tools to work on together to work on our marriage. We wrote things about each other and then shared, we went on little dates, etc. If you both want to make the marriage work and want to re-kindle things, I honestly believe it can happen. Best wishes!

I, too, think counseling is good for dissolving of things as well. I'm just super cautious b/c I worry about the affair history coming to bite me in the arse. Unless he has physical proof of your affair long ago, I would not be admitting it to anyone else.

And NO, you do not deserve to pay for that mistake 6 years ago! For crying out loud! I know this all too well. If I said I was going out with a girlfriend he doubted me. He checked my e-mail accounts, he doubted things I told him. Yes, I deserved that for awhile while re-building the trust, as I would have been the same way with him, but I got sick of trying to prove I was being loyal. You do NOT deserve to be treated the way he's been treating you because of that error in your life! JMHO HUGS!