Throwing effort after foolishness
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Throwing effort after foolishness
| Sat, 07-23-2011 - 1:18pm |
I have been separated from my husband since April 20.
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Borken,
You've been betrayed. So, it's only natural to feel the way you do. I also believe that men who behave like your husband are really just trying to "have their cake and Edith, too." :)
Here's my two cents:
1)You need to get sound legal advice from an experienced divorce attorney. If you can't afford to pay one his or her hourly fee for 60 minutes of their time. Check out Legal Aid. It's under United States in the bluepages of your phonebook. Write down all your LEGAL questions, i.e. child support, spousal support, debts, assets, etc. Don't spend this time emoting about your hurt feelings. FIND OUT YOUR RIGHTS and RESPONSIBILITIES in the event you file divorce. This will give you powerful information and a better base upon which to make decisions.
2)Get support. If you have any benefits through a job for counseling, take advantage of them. You need objectivity right now. You can't see past your own feelings and you're trying to figure out what he's doing when you can't. If you can't afford a counselor check with the nearest Community Mental Health Services in your area. They offer low cost or sliding fee scale counseling services and support groups. If you have a church or synagouge, check with them for help also.
The sooner you determine your legal standing and get support for your feelings the better able you'll be able to decide whether to stand and fight for your marriage or not.
I of course agree with Wisdom ..
I would like to add that when I left home and my abusive ex I was a basket case. I couldnt think or do anything right or make any decisions at all. The ones i made were bad ones and the choices I made werent good either.
What I did learn though was that like wisdom said I found a lawyer when my ex sued me for divorce. I found out all about my legal rights and assets and all of those things..
I also started going to therapy since I still had my medical coverage through the ex..
I also attended women's support groups and got validated for whatever feelings I had that day and week ..
Yes; Your husband betrayed you and wow that sucks big time.. He sounds like he could care less about your feelings and tells you to move out?? what a nice guy?
Personally if I were you and I am not. I would run to the nearest law office and sue him for divorce. Get all that you are entitled to and do things that make you happy..
Take up dancing, a hobbie..anything to move forward and move on from him..
Oh; dont forget to watch all of those kick ass women movies that will empower you..
You need legal advice, support and family and friends and a whole lot of empowerment so that when you see your ex and his new gfriends you have the tools to be able to handle it.
and yes you are stronger than you think you are... The strength you will achieve from this will be unbelievable..
Keep in mind this did not happen over night, it took a year separation and MC to get to that point. Like you, I don't give up a fight easily.
Although I might not rush out and file tomorrow, I would talk to an attorney and get your ducks in a row. I won't get into my sorded past, but I am here to tell you that if he told you he is no hurry to file for D, he may never make the move and as they call on the Affair boards, continue to be a Fencesitter. He wants to be with his GF, but doesn't give you the respect of ending the M to be with the GF. (although if she is M, that is a whole other can of worms, but beside the point as far as your position is concerned)
Don't let yourself get caught up in all the baloney. He is afraid to lose you and he is afraid to lose her. So he sits on the fence and it is not fair to anyone involved.
Until either you or the GF make a move, he could stay M with a GF for a very long time.
Hang in there. It is hard but your will get through it.