Thrown for a bit of a loop here ....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thrown for a bit of a loop here ....
7
Fri, 09-09-2005 - 6:49pm

not that i will let it skew my vision of the reality of our situation, but i was pretty shocked at a phone call STBX made to me a bit ago.


We are at settlement, just about. Tweaking it b4 we offer. Interoggatorries & Discovery are in, I assume by now he has seen all MY answers to everything that went on, the alcoholism, the abuse, the joblessness ... & this Tues we go to court. I court is

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-09-2005 - 8:04pm

Oh man, that is rough! You are right, stay the course you know in your heart it would never work out. If it was salvageable you wouldn't be at this point right now. I also completely agree with the situation with Avery. It would rock her world to take him back, only to have to kick him out again and start all over again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Fri, 09-09-2005 - 9:09pm

Hmm..that's rough! Tell him to stop telling you that he is going to change, and show you. He needs to be in AA and in counseling for at least a year. Even then it would be questionable. Yikes...well, all I can say is, good luck with that! lol

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 09-10-2005 - 4:50am

Either he is truly sorry, he is truly getting "it" now (way way WAY too late) & he is sincere in HIS belief that he can/has changed - OR - he is trying to manipulate me into taking him back. Either way, it doesnt matter b/c there is NO turning back for me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
Sat, 09-10-2005 - 7:54am

Get your divorce.

Sanguine
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 09-10-2005 - 2:14pm

I am going throught the exact same thing right now! I have only been out of the house for a few weeks, but STBX is adamant he wants a second chance. This is after I begged him to go to counseling for months, begged him to come home occasionally after work, and even asked him if he had any doubts before I retained my lawyer and signed the lease on my apartment. Now that I'm gone, he says he realizes how awful he was, he misses and loves me so much, he calles 5 times a day (he used to never call or come home), he'll become financially responsible, he'll stay home every night, etc.

I just can't do it. I told him this marriage poisoned my soul, and that poison is finally starting to drain out, and I'm beginning to feel whole again. I feel less unattractive, awful, etc. Am I lonely and sad sometimes? Sure. Do I have bad days? Yes.

I really admire your strength! It's a tough situation, isn't it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 09-10-2005 - 11:29pm

I think I'd tell him what I told mt EX when we were divorcing..... that right now we needed to back up ALL the way..... that didn't mean that it was over.... forever.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
Mon, 09-12-2005 - 11:58am

Boy, you DO have your hands full with that one. I'm so sorry you find yourself in this dilemma with him begging to be taken back just when you're going to the very end of the D process. Maybe knowing he is sincerely sorry might help you to forgive him in the future.

The only suggestion I have for you is to TRUST YOUR INSTINCT. One thing I have learned through all this is that my sense of intuition is usually pretty accurate and I'm usually wrong when I second guess myself. This might be true for you as well. None of us has a crystal ball and the only information we have to know what to do in the future is our past experience and what our gut tells us.

Do what you think will be best for you and your daughter.