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| Fri, 03-11-2005 - 8:14am |
Thanks for your thoughts and quotes/poems from my post yesterday! They really did help. (Except maybe I shouldn't read them at work and get even more emotional!) :-)
I salvaged the day after I got home from work. It was still hard due to the fact that x and I work at the same place. He works second shift, I work first, so we only overlapped a little yesterday. I came home, played with the animals, checked out the net, went to bed early, had an alright evening considering...
2 a.m. and I heard "Hi Ruth!" booming from the stairs. X is still living here. He immediately went into how he might have mono now because he kissed a girl with mono. She is a friend ours and knows me too. So, we got in an aurgument. I can't really remember about what. So, he went down to the couch. I got up to go into the computer before he made it downstairs. He asked what I was doing, so I said I wanted to get on the net since I couldn't sleep. He said I scared him when I did different things...? I got on here and was going to write a message and read some, when suddenly he grabbed my shoulders and said boo. I closed everything and he stood behind me hugging me for what seemed like a really long time. We started talking again. We haven't really talked since he dropped his bomb about dumping me. He was drunk, some was serious talk, some wasn't. He started kissing on me (my neck as I do not want her sickness!). We eventually went to bed. He stayed in the room and we talked more. I'm taking classes, but will be done at the end of the summer. He started talking about I should take an art class. I said pottery, he said no, drawing. My mother was a wonderful artist, but I never got any of that. He saw some doodles the other night, and thinks otherwise. He said he never knew I could draw or that I was artistic. ??? In over 6 years, he never knew. I was intrigued, but now fear that if I do that, it will look like I'm doing that for/because of him. During our conversation, he told me to stop talking because I'm making him fall back in love with me. I am trying to push that out of my head.
I am sorry I've rambled on so much. I just don't know what to do. Then I get angry with myself because what is there for me to do, but live with the crap he's dishing out to me and survive and overcome despite him! I didn't want any of this, but it doesn't matter...I need to go back and read the ABC's of divorce.
Thanks for letting me vent. I am worried about the weekend because it's always so much harder and I have a lot of homework to do.

Oh man, he is a piece of work Hon! I feel on the one hand he's trying to rub your face in his mischief (telling you about the possible mono infection) yet then he's saying you need to stop talking to him because he's falling back in love with you. He's one confused guy! Refresh my memory, how old is he? How soon can you get him to move out? I think you will start to feel better once you feel strong enough to tell him to stop touching you when he's hugging you etc. You don't even have to be mean about it, you can just say it makes you feel uncomfortable. Think about it from his perspective, why should he leave? He's got you to come home to and you take care of him, he can talk to you, touch you, and he can still go out and feel single. You deserve so much better than this. Post over the weekend, I worry about you!
Melanie
Karen ~ wildlucky4me
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
He's 33. He keeps saying the end of this month, but besides looking around in the area he wants to live for rent signs (with -me- last weekend -- like -we- were getting a new place together), I haven't seen any signs pointing towards actually moving. When we were looking last weekend, he saw a house and made the suggestion of me selling my place and me moving in with him. Isn't that what he wants to get away from?
You are right, he is a piece of work.
Maybe I can take a nap now. I will post over the weekend. Thank you
Ruth