Tired of it
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| Thu, 07-28-2005 - 12:01pm |
I’m angry this morning.he says yesterday how he’s got family in his ear about how he needs to start the paperwork & get custody of our son, etc before all goes sour.he tells them it's not like that w/us and there's no rush on his part;this morning I ask if he still indeed wants a divorce. He says yes we’d have to start fresh if we did get back together; in my confused state of mind I forgot to ask "WHY?" I mean, if we're civil now why would we need to get divorced on paper to patch things up? I'm sick of this rollercoaster. I offered to scrape up $100 for my part of the divorce this fall so we could get it over with. he declined cause of my budget, said he'd pay for it. HA! I ended up telling him if that's the case, we need to get it over with so I can start getting over him; why did he seem like he’d never thought of that? He's fine with things as they are and I want to work things out. Maybe he's confused in some way about how he feels. Well I’m frustrated. I'm going to get my share together anyway so I know I'm prepared. I'm done keeping hope alive & it's not healthy for me to go on like this. We're just friends w/benefits and I can't do this anymore. What, he can forgive me enough to have sex but reconciliation isn't worth it? If it were any other guy we were dating, we'd dump him if he didnt want to commit, right? So why the he** am I holding on?
I'm giving him too much power. I know what I need to do.
Geez. God give me strength to get through this.
Thanks for letting me vent.

It's a lot harder to let go when you're married to someone. Having done a FWB situation during the beginning of my separation, I think it's better to cut off the sexual aspect. As long as you're still having sex, it's very difficult to cut off the emotional connection, which makes it much harder for you to accept that it's over and start to heal and move on. And as long as he's still getting benefits from you, he doesn't fully realize what being divorced will mean. I think if you're hoping he'll change his mind, it's much more likely he'll do that when he's had a chance to miss you than when he's getting benefits from you but not being committed to making the marriage work. But it's easy to say that when you're not in the situation - you need to figure out what's best for you and follow that course of action.
-sang
An auther named Michael Baisden wrote a couple of books but in one of them he wrote this "A man can only do to you what you allow."
Peace,
Di
***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***
Peace,
Di
***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***