Today is a bad day

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Today is a bad day
3
Mon, 07-25-2005 - 9:48pm

Last week, I felt so strongly about filing for divorce. Then why I haven't I done it? Why do I hold on to a shred of hope that things could work out? They can't possibly when he refuses to go back to counseling and refuses to come home or speak to me.

This week, he is going away for the weekend. Tonight he plays poker, again tomorrow night, not sure about Wedneday, golf on Thursday, gone on Friday. Our son is really getting upset that he hardly ever sees him (he is 10).

What on earth is holding me back from filing these papers?




Edited 7/25/2005 10:04 pm ET ET by justiceandtruth
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 1:12pm

You have to get MAD that this is happening. Right now your holding on to someone who isn't there anymore. He isn't the same person you married. He isn't the same father to your son. He is just a stranger! GET MAD that it has to be that way... it is MUCH easier to get mad than it is to be sad.


It took A LONNNNGG time for me to get to this point but I was where you are for a long time. I am now free of feelings for him completely. His actions just kept pushing and pushing me to the edge and finally I snapped. Not only will I not give in on his visitation problems ( cancelling or taking one child and not the other ) but I won't take emails from him and I will only allow him to pay child support on the due date. Before, I would have taken ANY excuse in the book..... I'm just done. I had to get mad though..... you have to do the same thing.


It's hard realizing that the person that carries his name and social security number is not the same person anymore. That person that once loved you, would NEVER walk out on his family. NEVER. and that, to me, is unforgivable. I will never be able to look at him again, but now, I can be civil for the children's sake and forget about him when it's not his weekend.


In 5 days it will be 2 years since he left me..... so see, it takes time :)


But that's where we come in :) We are here anytime you need us :)


Hugs to you and good luck!


Angelena

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 5:33pm

You'll file them when you're good and ready... be sure about that!


Until then.... hang in there.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 6:19pm

I agree with wildlucky...don't do it until you're absolutely certain it's what is BEST for you. I had my papers drawn up and "sat" on them for two weeks to make certain I had no regrets, then I instructed the attorney to take them to the courthouse. Although I have made mistakes out of ignorance, I have had no regrets.

Use this time to prepare yourself to live separately. Move joint monies so he can't sabotage anything, get caught up with medical stuff if you're gonna lose insurance or need something expensive done. Change car insurance details, etc. if you need to. Find a job/new place to live if need be. Seek a therapist's help if needed. Join a face to face divorce support group.