Today is the Day

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Today is the Day
6
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 9:42am

I go today at 1:30 p.m. for my divorce and I am kinda feeling weird WHY???

It is probably also because my DD is with her dad for her 2 wk uninterrupted visit and I won't see her until next Monday. She hasn't called me at all but she called my parents.

I can't believe she hasn't wanted to call me or asked about me. I am praying that my DD hasn't asked about me and that STBX hasn't allowed her to call me.

Because when she is with my parents (she used to stay with them all the time before the separation) but now if she is there more than say 5hr she is calling me and asking when are you coming home. Seh won't spend the night with anyone like she used to but when she is with him she doesn't do this.

I won't call her becuse I don't want to get her upset if she is doing ok and then have him say "She was fine until you called..." But if she calls me I would love it. I just hope he is spending time with her and not ditching her.

Oh yeah and STBX went to the courthouse yesterday waiting for our divorce and after an hour and half he left realizing it was the wrong day - what a dumb-A**!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2004
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 12:30pm

I'm not sure how old your daughter is but sometimes kids feel disloyal to the parent they are visiting if they call the other parent. My 15 year old stepson is like this. Even when we have him for holidays and tell him he needs to call his mom, he won't do it. I don't think it's a matter of not wanting to talk to his mom, but more that he feels like he is implying he would rather be with her if he called her and he doesn't want us to feel bad.

I think younger kids get so caught up in the fun they are having with the parent they don't get to see as often, that they truely don't think about wanting or needing to talk to mom. I rarely get calls from my 3.5 year old son but I know it's because he is having fun and not thinking about mommy so that's okay. Occasionally my ex will help him call me right before bed to say "Night, night, mommy." I purposely don't call me son when he's at his dad's house - that's his dad's time. He only sees him every other weekend (at most) so I don't want to infringe on their time together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 9:10am

How did things go yesterday?.... and what was the "pro-con" hearing all about?


As far as DD not calling you..... my DD, who is 10, was zipping out the door one Friday afternoon to go with her dad, and I cheerfully said "whoa, where's my hug?"


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 8:30pm

Well it all went fine yesterday. It was over in about 10mins. Pro-Con means final divorce. Ok then just say final divorce. His dumbaxx lawyer kept trying to talk to me before he got there and I was like WTF!!! Get away from me.

The big thing is that he won't get any of my 403b. He has no savings or anything. I carried the insurance for us all. Which I get to finally get him off mine!!!! Make my insurance payment go from $125 q 2 wks to $75 q 2 wk.

My babysitter said that he dropped our DD off yesterday while he went to court and she said that my DD just sat there and my babysitter said well have you called your mom? She said no but I called my grandma and grandpa (my parents). My babysitter said well do you miss your mom and she said yep. So my babysitter said she stopped with the questions because DD really wasn't too chatty like she normally is. So then my babysitter went into the kitchen and she heard my DD crying. She went back out and said what is wrong and my DD just said I WANT TO GO HOME. My babysitter didn't push it to ask did you mean with your dad or with your mom. She just held her. But then babysitter said when her dad came to pick her up she went running outside to him.

So what if she doesn't want to be with me anymore. What if when I pick her up on Monday she cries that she doesn't want to come with me?

I do want to call BUT I don't want to give him any fuel for the fire and if she were to tell him after "I want to go home." Then blame it on me that she was fine until I called. Because X would be like that.

I don't want her screaming or anything with me. I just think that is how it is going to be. He lives an hour away from me and when he drives her home from his weekend visits she usually falls asleep and when he drops her off she is half asleep and she screams and cries that he leaves. Until she gets out of the mood.

I miss her sooo much!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 9:23pm

>>>So what if she doesn't want to be with me anymore. What if when I pick her up on Monday she cries that she doesn't want to come with me?<<<

If she cries she doesn't want to come with you, tell her that you are sure she had fun with her dad and it was great she got that time with him and now it's time to come with you and remind her when she'll see her dad next. It's normal for children to have issues transitioning, it's not a validation of him or a rejection of you. She will always be your dd and she will always love you even if she doesn't want to be with you every minute. When my dd does this I just tell her it's okay to feel what she's feeling and then remind her she doesn't have a choice and it will be okay.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 9:31pm

Thanks - I just want her home. And hearing that she cried yesterday that she wanted to go home -- I am hoping she meant me. Not trying to play this "My DD loves me more than you dad game". Because I just want her home. This is the 1st time since she was born that she has been away from me and the longest. Monday is too far away for me. But I have made it this far.

I will encourage her that she will see her dad again. I always do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 9:37pm
It will be okay, you are doing great. Try to remember that you are dealing with two separate issues. Your issues about being away from her are your own, but you have to address her feelings about coming back home too and you don't want to get them mixed up because it will be confusing to her. I'm sure you're thinking about this already, just saying it as it occured to me when I read your post :)

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