Today I feel angry

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2005
Today I feel angry
9
Sun, 01-15-2006 - 12:10pm

I don't know why but I have been feeling pretty good since Wednesday and today I wake up angry! I just want to know why he stopped wanting to try and can be so disconnected. I want to drive over to his place 1/4 mile away and tell him how this does not make sense and ask why he stopped and I want him to know he did this he made this choice,he caused this. I know I should not but right now the emotions are controlling me.

Someone tell me to stop! I know I am better off without some man who does not want me but I just can't fully get the rejection, the I just don't feel the same way anymore. How do you just turn it off when to stop loving someone, hell how do you turn it off when someone stops loving you!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2006
Sun, 01-15-2006 - 12:33pm
I know exactly how your feeling, hon. I went through that last night. I'm telling you don't do it. When anger is envolved you'll probably end up doing something you regret. I won't give you the details but I got really made at stbx last night. The anger was truely uncontrolable. Since we are still in the same house it wasn't good. I lost it. I threw the computer. :( I am so overcome with rage over the fact that he can tell me he doesn't love me and doesn't want to be with me and is so indifferent about it. There is no compassion at all for what I'm going through here. How do you do that to someone who has devoted their life and love to you? I don't understand and I really really want to. I think understanding will bring me some peace but I also know that there is no understanding to be had in this whole situation. I feel like such a failure. How can you not want to save a marriage to someone you call a great person? Rage....I'm full of it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2005
Sun, 01-15-2006 - 3:35pm

The thing is it's not like me to get angry, I just don't let myself lose control like that. I think it comes from so many years of being married to a man who chose not to control his anger. I feel a little better right now and I know I won't give him the satisfaction of seeing me weak.

I have gone on today to try and bring myself up. I keep wondering, who am I going to be without him. Without him constantly being disappointed in who I am, consistantly telling me what I do wrong. Who will I be? I think it is funny that I have come to realize that everything I love about myself, everything I am proud of about myself is everything that he dislikes about me, and it is everything he wants to change about me.

I am glad I posted today about the anger because in a lapse of judgement Friday I asked him to do dinner this weekend. Yesterday, he was nasty and informed me that he thought I meant as a family and was irritated at me for even asking. Today....he calls and says, let's do dinner, just us. My response was whatever works. I was very indifferent towards him. I will not let him see me crack.

Ok enough about me, back to you. Don't let yourself get that way with him. I know him still being at home makes it very difficult to hide those emotions, but don't. Show it to a friend, send it here to us but not to him. You will only give him more power over you and give him more reason on why he does not want to work. I have told my daughters for years that you can't make someone stay with you or love you. If they want to leave they will and as much as it hurts there is nothing you can do to change that. It is time I live my own advice and you should to. There has to be better. Even my daughters keep telling me that I will find someone who will love me. Even if I don't, finding who I am and being strong for me is better than the person that I have been over the past few years.

Stay Strong, come here when you need to find strenth.

Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 01-15-2006 - 5:45pm

I just wanted to send hugs your way... there will be good days and there will be bad, but as you all ready know, the important thing is to never let your stbx see you down...

I hope that you have a peaceful evening and a better day tomorrow!

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sun, 01-15-2006 - 6:04pm
Chicky, I wish I has the answer for you. I have been dealing with the same thing for over 10 months now. Why do I still love/want him? I don't know about yours, but mine sends false hope. He says little things to keep stringing me along and I am the doofus that follows. I have days that I wake up wanting to kill him for hurting me and my boys. Though most of the time I just want him to come home. I keep hopeing for that moment in time when I can tell him goodbye and good luck with his life, without feeling that I am losing something special myself. Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2006
Sun, 01-15-2006 - 6:08pm
Thanks. I am like you and don't usually show my anger. I am not one for uncontrolable outbursts. That's STBX's depertment. He's really good about punching holes in things. Then he tells me it's better then me hitting you. I had just finally had enough last night. He had been takling to this woman who he hid from me for months amd now claims is just a friend. She calls all the time. I have asked him out of respect for me and the kids not to talk to her when we are around. He refuses to honor my request. He had already spoken to her at least twice last night. Then he started takling to her on the computer. I just got so angry that after all I have done for him he can give me this respect now. I just lost it. I know it was wrong and I will never let it happen again. I have decided that, as Dr. Phil says I would rather be happy alone then miserable with him. Or at least I think that's how he puts it. Thanks for the support. It really is nice knowing there is someone out there who knows what I'm going through.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2005
Sun, 01-15-2006 - 7:02pm

Thanks, I hope it will go well. I guess we are going to dinner soon, just us. I keep wondering if he is going to say life feels so much better without you.

Ok keep breathing. I'll check in after.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2005
Sun, 01-15-2006 - 7:15pm

OH definatly stay strong. It sounds like he is doing this just to hurt you. There is no respect anymore, your husband has done what mine has, disconnected. His life is more important at this time than you or the kids. Every time my husband would lose control he would tell me it was my fault, look what I caused him to do. He never took responsibility for his own actions.

Just remember you don't have to lower to his level. I know it's tough, I can't do it yet myself but start to disconnect. Start to tell yourself when he does these things that there is a man out there that won't do this to you. And even so, there is a stronger you inside that won't allow yourself to be treated this way or worse yet you don't want your kids to think this is a way to behave as they grow older.

Look up tonight at the stars and remember that there is a vast world out there left for you to discover. What is it you long to do for yourself?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2006
Sun, 01-15-2006 - 8:14pm

Ya know I have no idea what I long to do for me. I have spend so much time longing to make a good family for him and my kids I lost myself somewhere. He has disconnected. Thing is with him it was overnight. Not a little here, a little there. Just woke up one day and bam! he had shut me out. He was the type of man who needed constant affection. Always telling me he loved me, always hugging me. One day he was that way, the next it all stopped. I have not figured out how to deal with the sudden loss of affection. I am tring really hard to disconnect from him but I honestly always considered him my best-friend. He was the one person I talked to about everything, depended on to help me through the hard times. Now I am losing that too.

I hope you do a better job at figuring out to to do that then I am. I also hope your dinner with your stbx isn't stressful for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2005
Sun, 01-15-2006 - 8:32pm

I am far from figuring it out. Last week I woke to him with his arms around me, waiting to get out of bed because he knew it would be our last morning together. For him it seems so easy, leave before we hate each other, leave while we can still be friends and love each other. I do not get the logic there. The adjustment is hard, he works two jobs, we went to lunch everyday together, I called him to everyday to see how his day went and how his night was going. I have woken at least twice this week thinking he had fallen asleep on the couch. I definatly do not have this figured out and I don't know that I ever will figure it out, how do you leave when you still love. I spent 18 years of my life without him and 18 years of my life with him. We grew up together, we matured and became who we are together. None of this makes any sense.

~~~Breath~~~ He just called to go to dinner. I can do this, I can do this.

Have a good night I will check in later.