today is a tough day....
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today is a tough day....
| Mon, 10-24-2005 - 12:10pm |
....well I am not sure what to do with the following info. i found out my stbx password for email. i don't want to read them because I just go into a spin when I do. People have suggested chagning the info and changing the password so he can't get in again.
Should I do this? Then he will get another email and for sure I will not know it, and will not be tempted to look when I'm down, and then get more down.
I need some suggestions on this; leave it or change it?
......Damn today is a sad day and last week I was so good....how do I get over these humps? I just feel like I'm stuck working through the pain and he just gets a whole new life and never looks back. I mean he got engaged before we even have divorce papers.
People are telling they see him out with his new gf. I don't want to know, but at the same time I feel so damn hurt that he doesn't even care about the 7 years we were together. And it seems like everyone just accepts this new engagement like I don't even exsist? What do I do about these feelings.....gees its a tough emotional day.
Should I do this? Then he will get another email and for sure I will not know it, and will not be tempted to look when I'm down, and then get more down.
I need some suggestions on this; leave it or change it?
......Damn today is a sad day and last week I was so good....how do I get over these humps? I just feel like I'm stuck working through the pain and he just gets a whole new life and never looks back. I mean he got engaged before we even have divorce papers.
People are telling they see him out with his new gf. I don't want to know, but at the same time I feel so damn hurt that he doesn't even care about the 7 years we were together. And it seems like everyone just accepts this new engagement like I don't even exsist? What do I do about these feelings.....gees its a tough emotional day.

When there is nobody else to love you, love yourself.
This what I'm working on. I took the following link & then created it into an image, which I don't know if you know how to do, and then I made it part of my computer's wallpaper.
http://www.seamless-web.net/howto.htm
I also wrote dh this email:
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When I was about 10 years old I wrote a poem of a little girl sitting in a dark corner with no one’s arms wrapped around her but the arms of a blanket. I felt so alone, so unwanted.
In these past two months I feel as though I’ve even lost the blanket that wrapped itself around me. I am bare. But now I’m realizing, I have arms, it’s time to wrap them around myself.
I had promised you when we got married if you wanted out I would not fight it. Now look what I’m doing. I thought I had more self-respect. Why would I try to get someone who so obviously does not want me any longer to remain in my life? I am ashamed of myself. This is probably the most self-depreciating thing I’ve ever done. I need to stop.
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.... the password, well if you want to hurt, read them. If you want to move on (which I haven't learned yet), don't.
My dh is doing this out of mental illness, it sort of helps in knowing he's not really trying to hurt me, but it doesn't help me move on.
GL,
Bonnie
"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."
~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng
As hard as it may be, you have to stop checking his stuff, be it emails or whatever else. I used to do the same thing, check to see when he or she was working (as they worked together), emails, whatever I could do and when I found out things it only crushed me even more. It was very hard for me to stop myself from doing these things but when I did I did begin to feel much better. Doing these things only continued to keep me tied to him in an unhealthy way for me. I found the no contact rule works best. He used to always tell me dont ask questions I may not like the answer to and you know what, as much as I hated him saying that it is true in a sense. Like now I dont care to "know" what's going on with his personal life. The less I know the better for me.
Just imagine if you are miserable and he's on top of the world, do you REALLY want to know
how happy he is because I know I wouldnt want to know. I took me a long time to realize how I was contributing to my own pain in some ways.
Hang in there I know its tough but you can do it.
I really need to get stronger but am finding really hard. Somedays I'm totally fine then there are days I just can't stand where I am at. I feel lost sometimes but I thank you guys for helping out. I get a more objective, realistic view, which is good. Thanks!
goddess---- you will get thru this day, and there will be some other bad days, but you will get thru those too, and as the time goes on the bad days will be fewer and further apart until one day ---- you will not be sad any more.
i promise.
it WILL happen.
we've all been thru this, at varying degrees. but we all got thru this, or we are getting thru it. and yo uwill too,