Told him no calls unless concerning baby

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Told him no calls unless concerning baby
14
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 9:38am

I left my ex a message this morning not to call me unless it concerned the baby. Throughout the day yesterday he called back and forth asking for help with his resume. I told him I sent him an email to please read it. He kept saying he would as soon as he finished his resume. Mid afternoon I tried calling him to ask if he could take the baby on Friday and if he read the email yet. I got no answer after a few tries. He finally called me back and I told him I tried calling him and asked him what happened, didnt he get the calls. He was like oh, I must have turned off my phone by mistake.

Fine, then this morning he sent me an email responding to one I had sent him and he says he's sorry he couldnt read it yesterday, he had company before he finished his resume. But yet yesterday he told me a different excuse. I feel like such a fool. On sunday when he dropped the baby off when leaving he ran his hand down my arm saying how he needs to think about things, he's so stressed, then yesterday all the calling for help with his resume and then as soon as he doenst "need" me anymore he turns off his phone b/c he has "company". But he doesnt dare turn off his phone when he comes to see the baby at my house. Suppose there had been an emergency regarding the baby, and I was trying to call him, is this how it will be, when he's with her he will turn off his phone and to hell with anyone else. Why do I keep letting this man in my life. What the heck is my problem. He just cares about this damn girl and she got mad and left him stranded b/c she couldnt wait in my lobby. She's so immature and this is who he caters to, I dont get.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 10:16am

I cannot believe how much your X sounds like mine! BOY!


Well I guess you did what you needed to do. Sometimes you just have to say it to start realizing that it IS for the best.


He is so stressed.... WHAT ABOUT YOU! sheesh.


Hugs to you and WTG on telling him!


Angelena

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 10:37am
I just cant keep going back and forth like this. Even though I kinda took the coward way out, I left the message on his voicemail. I just dont even want to talk to him. I know it wont be easy b/c when he doesnt call I know I will miss him and want him to call and even be mad as hell that he's not pursuing me. God be with me this sucks. But I know everytime I let him back in my life / house I get hurt again. Like you said sometimes you just have to say it to start realizing it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 10:43am

yup... it's hard. I am doing it right now too.


Hugs to you :)


Angelena

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 10:49am
I'm gonna go back to my reading my books and just trying to focus on me 100%. The only way I will ever get over him is to stay away from him. In one of our heated conversations he even said himself that he hears the best way to "get over" someone is to be with someone else. So I MUST DEMAND that he give me my space since he's been clear that this girl is more important than me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 10:50am
I think you did the right thing. Its so hard to go through a breakup when you have a child together. I wish I could just never talk to my STBX again, but since we have kids together, I have no choice. I HAVE
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 10:52am

Amen sista!


You will be fine, first was right you do sound MUCH stronger these days :)


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 11:05am
I think you made a good choice to start setting up boundaries. You may be able to be his friend later on, but right now you need some space to get your head clear and start healing. He thinks he can keep you hanging on by dangling a hinted possibility that he might change every now and then, but it's his actions you need to listen to, not empty words. Now that you've started setting the boundaries, if you stick to them you will keep getting stronger and stronger. Hang in there.
-sang
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 11:10am

Thanks guys. He just called me and I told him I left you a message you should check it. He said just tell me please. So I told him a bit of what I posted about the no answering the phone situation, he tried to say he told me if he needed more help he would call me back but he didnt need any more help, it wasnt b/c he had company, yeah sure. So I told him he uses me when she's not around and as soon as she is he doesnt need me and I wont allow it anymore. Told him to call only pertaining to our son. He has clearly shown me that she is more important to him than me and Im out of his life for good now and I hung up.

I know as long as he thinks he can have me "on the backburner" he will continue to do this. I had to do things this way I know, so why do I feel like crap now. Scared to death that he will do just that leave me alone for good and never look back and live happily ever after with her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 11:30am

I think that him "keeping you on the backburner" is sort of a safety net for you too, in a way, because although his new relationship is his focus, he is still giving you a little attention and you're used to having that attention. But once you get away from that for a little while, I think you'll come to see that you don't need that kind of attention. It's always scary to make a change, and when you first start the change there's always an urge to just go back to the way things were because even if it's crappy at least you know how it will be while with a change there's the fear of the unknown. But sometimes you just have to dig your heels in and say "this is tough, but I deserve better and the only way I will get 'better' is if I start refusing to settle for less than I deserve" you'll find it does get easier.

-sang

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 11:47am

"he hears the best way to "get over" someone is to be with someone else"


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

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