Told him we are leaving..scared

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Told him we are leaving..scared
6
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 6:10am

Hello,

I told my husband yesterday I booked my lil ones and mine air tix yesterday.
I am just trying to get away to realy think things over without the added stress.And possibly to see a lawyer. We don't leave for 11 days.This is going to be a difficult time.
He is telling his daughter that nothing will ever seperate him from being with her every night, that he is dead without her etc. Mind you , I try to keep all of this away from her since she is only 2 and very smart. I could hardly sleep last night wondering what he may do.
Looking..needing support:(

Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 7:20am
Be careful. Hugs to you... I wish I could say more.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 8:59am
Please remember the fear of losing your children can be just as overwhelming for fathers. You might have the same fear, but you know that in court you can easily get sole physical custody if you want. Men know that if their child's mother desires it, it's pretty easy to keep their children away from them except for a few days a month, and if they move away, a few weeks per year. Fathers rarely ever get sole physical custody (it happens, but in unusual circumstances like a rare legal trick, an unfit mom, or a mom who voluntarily gives up custody), and they only get joint physical custody if the mother agrees to it (in most states). The fear of not being in your child's life, not being involved in their upbringing, not being able to show them you love them on a regular basis, that fear is devastating to a parent who loves their child. What your husband needs right now is some reassurance that no matter what happens, you value his relationship with his children and will never destroy it, and always support it. I had to reassure my ex-h for months, and still sometimes now he needs to hear that from me.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 11:20am
Thank you for the input. The only thing is that I have not told him I want to leave him. I am merely just going to back to my hometown to sort things out in my mind and possibly see a lawyer.My newest fear now is... what if he wants to take her on a trip before or after mine. Can he? I could not handle that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 11:38am

I'm guessing he senses what might happen. Whatever feelings that have driven you to this board have caused him to think maybe you're not coming back. He doesn't need you to spell it out in words for him to feel the fear of losing you and his children.

Yes, he can take his child on a trip and you cannot stop it, just as he cannot stop you from going on a trip either. Why could you not handle him going on a trip, but you expect him to handle your absense? You are having fear of him going away with the children, but can't you see how your trip is putting a great deal of fear in him, and he has nothing to ease that fear?

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Sun, 04-03-2005 - 10:03am
No, it is not the fear of him not coming back,but the fear my daughter will have.
She is very very attached to me. I actually offered for him to come out with us at least for a few of the 8 days we are going.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Sun, 04-03-2005 - 1:52pm
yes, you can! it's just hard to do. Listen, my mom, when she and dad were divorcing, made it very hard for him to see me. He is a weak man, he didn't go though police, he would just beg her and then kiss my face and hands telling me that i was the only thing on the planet he loved... But she made it more and more difficult, and with time, he became more and more distant, and was trying less and less... And now I am 32 and he and i are absolute strangers. We are nobody to each other! Last time i saw him was 10 years ago. I once wrote him an email, and he never responded. I don't have a dad. Granted, my mom was hurt and irritated, and he is weak and a pushover, but it would have been soo much better for me if i had some sort of - even a weak and pushover - dad. I am going through divorce now, but my dad doesn't even know I was married... Encourage your daughter and your ex spending time together, please!