told my H i wanted a separation

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2007
told my H i wanted a separation
5
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 2:09pm
I almost feel numb. These past two days have been terrible and I just don't know if I made the right decision. Part of me wants to be strong and go through with it and be on my own. Being on my own is a huge factor in why I want to separate. But of course part of me is in agony over the pain my H is going through. I just don't know what to do. We've been trying to work it out for almost four months and I just feel no affection towards him and can't give him what he needs. He has been smothering me with "love" and it has just not been good. Now that I've said I want to separate, I just feel numb and not sure. Help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2007
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 2:48pm
Oh phoenix, I know exactly what you are feeling! I'm right now trying to work up the courage to do this, and just had a little psuedo experience with it a couple days ago in which I backed down because his reaction overwhelmed and shocked me. I am right now being smothered in love just as you mentioned and it is unbearable. You've done the hard part, don't back down now, nothing will change if you give in and you don't want to have to go through this again. You can make it through this, you can, just one step at a time. Do you know your next step? Can you get out of the house?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2007
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 3:02pm
I'm going on a trip next week and when I come back, he'll be gone for a week. He asked me to stay in the house at least until then. I'm so busy this week that I feel like I might as well and see how it goes being apart for those two weeks. I'm not sure though. I could leave now but logistically it is a huge PITA.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2007
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 8:53am
Hi Phoenix. This is the first time I'm looking at posts within this discussion board because I have just recently decided I want a separation from my H but I'm having a hard time finding the courage to tell him. I just wanted to say that I admire you for having the strength to do it and I hope you feel better soon.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2007
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 4:18pm
At least you'll get a break from him after all the emotional uproar. It will give you time to think. Perhaps you can just start sorting through things.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 8:29pm

Hi gals--

I found myself in the same predicament for the past few months. And it took ages, but I did it. And here I am one week out in my own apartment, and I LOVE IT!!!!! I am so happy.

I agonized for months over this decision, and my husband was/is devastated. But I knew I needed it, I needed space and clarity and I am so happy. He is bugging me a lot, but I have stayed strong and am starting to feel free.

I found a 5 month sublet and can't wait to feel what this independent life will be like.

I say, go for it!
Good luck,
Brandi