Tomorrow is D day for me

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
Tomorrow is D day for me
13
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 7:45pm
Hi all,
I was on here about a year ago under a different user name, can`t even remember now what it was and my husband had just filed divorce papers on me. Well his lawyer dropped his case after taking $900.00 from him and I got a lawyer through legal aid. Now My daughter and I are living on our own, was living with my son and his family, and my husband and I have worked things out enough that we have become good friends and are willing to share custody of our daughter. We sign the divorce papers tomorrow and will go before the judge tomorrow. The thing is I am almost sick to my stomach at the thought of being divorced. I know that I can`t live with him and have no desire to do so and he has found someone else it is just the thought of not being married any longer after 20 years. Just need to hear from others that may be facing the same thing and have the same feelings. I am scare of what tomorrow holds and being single again. Why do I feel this way when we have been separated for over two years and are happier then we was together? I guess I am confussed about my feeling. I didn`t realize I would feel like this.
Thanks,
Becky

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 8:07pm

Remember it's only the "habit" and the "title" that you are missing. It's the uncertainty of the future that scares us to death.


Have you ever heard of the saying that everything happens for a reason? I believe in that FIRMLY. Your divorce is happening only to bring something new, exciting and positive into your life. It's making room for the good things that can happen now that YOU have control.


There is no reason to be afraid. We all miss the title of being

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 11:48pm
Thank you for your support and the pep talk. He came by tonight and he said he hoped we would always be friends and I agreed. After twenty years I have finially met the man that all of his friends think so much of and I like that man so much better then the one I lived with. Yes it is nice knowing that I will be able to do what I want when I want. I lived in fear for so many years. Would I get home in time to have his supper on the table? Would he like it or cuss me out because it wasn`t what he wanted? Would he be mad because I went somewhere to begin with? Our daughter would hide under her bed and cry as soon as he would pull into the driveway. Now she runs up to him and gives him a big hug. But she tells him right quick that she never wants mommy to go back to him. I will try to see tomorrow as the first day of the rest of my life. I will spend it alone I know as I would be too scared to ever trust another man but I think I will be happy.
Thanks again,
Becky
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 12:33am

Becky, from the sounds of it, he was pretty abusive to you. The fact that your child had to hide under the bed & cry when he came home .... you obviously are SO much better off. I dont know how he is being a differnt person, but i hope it stays that way for your daughters sake - & yours.


Best of luck - you will be FINE!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 3:22am

i think that every goes thru this - whether they are the ones who initated the divorce or not. i think (at least in my case) there is that feeling of "this is not what i meant when i walked down that aisle". i mean, nobody starts out marriage *wanting* to get divorced - in fact, that is precisely what we don't think about. in my case, i was also trying (i thought) to be especially careful, because i had already gotten divorced once before and i was determined NOT TO go thru that again. it is definately a period of mourning - mourning the marriage that we dreamed about, that we wished, that we wanted. you already KNOW that this marriage was bad for you - you KNOW that in your brain. now you just have to wait till your heart is in agreement. don't worry - you'll get there.


hugssssss

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 7:42am
Yes he is a different person then he was. But whenever he is around for a while I can still see the demanding and abusive person that he was. My daughter and I have a nice apartment of our own now and we are happy. I look forward to coming home now and so does she. We have friends and I am not afraid to go to their house or have them over here. Maybe it is that when he comes over here to she our daughter he is in my house and he knows that I can ask him to leave or call the police if I feel I have to. I am so nervous this morning about signing the papers and going before the judge. As bad as it was I am scared of change and what may happen. But I do believe that I am doing the right thing for me an my daughter.
Becky
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 7:50am
You are so right about everything that you wrote. Yes I think so often of the marriage that I thought I would have. This to is my second divorce and I tried so hard to make it work. Twenty years of trying but it wasn`t enough. If it was just me I don`t know what I would be doing but I am doing what I feel is best for my daughter. I sure don`t want her to grow up thinking that the way her dad treated me is the way a man is suppose to treat a woman. I have some great friends with good marriages and I try to expose her to what they have as examples of what a marrige should be like. One thing I can say is she is not afraid to stand up for herself and I hope she stays like that. I was so afriad for so many years to do anything except what he told he to do.
Becky
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 10:20am

butterfly is right.... it's just a title.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 1:01pm
Well it is done. The papers are signed and the judge signed them today so I am a single woman again. Why do I feel such a feeling of loss and dread? It scares me feeling like this. My husband, excuse me ex-husband, would not even come into the courthouse to sign the papers because he didn`t want to have to empty out his pockets to go threw the metal detector so the lawyer had to take the papers out to him. She gave me a hug afterwards and told me that she was proud of me. Well today begins the first day of the rest of my life. I just wish that I felt happier about it.
Becky
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 1:04pm

After the muddle all wears off, you will feel better.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 1:23pm
(((Big Hugs))) Sweetie. He coudlnt even have the decency to "empty his pockets", or the respect, to come in? Sheesh. You are well on your way & it WILL get better.

R~

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