Tomorrow is our first court appearance

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tomorrow is our first court appearance
5
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 6:03pm
Well, I filed a week ago last Thursday. It wasn't until Sunday night when he was served. He ran, go figure. The kids are doing well. A little too well for me. I'm doing ok. I'm not crying as much. I'm not angry, just really sad. Soon to be ex isn't talking to me or the older two boys, only the younger two. It hurts to see him actually ignoring the older two. He doesn't want to try and fix the marriage. It really is over. My attorney told me that he was told by stbx attorney that he is wanting custody of the younger two and doesn't want to pay cs if I get custody. I can't believe this. Tomorrow is our first court date. It is to determine temporary custody and such. I've no idea what to expect. In my previous divorce we never went to court. I am extremely nervous about this. I haven't slept well in the last week. I'm really nervous about simply providing for everyone. I know I have a good job but it is straight commission and basically by starting the divorce our house income has been cut in half. My therapist said that I am scared of the responsiblity. Duh, single mom of four and 100% commission, a little scarey. Ok, anyway, what should I expect tomorrow, anyone? I meet with my attorney tomorrow morning to go over everything. I just don't think I will get any sleep, again, tonight.
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 7:49pm

Hi,

First, I am sorry you are going through this. It is never easy, but somewhere in the middle of all the emotion, there is a strong Mom of four in there....just let her out. :)

Based on my experience in dealing with clients within our office, the hearing tomorrow is just a formality. It is normal and usual that the children will be granted to whomever now has possession of them, unless some horrible thing has been happening and it can be PROVEN that the current custiodian of the children is "unfit." But, remember, that takes A LOT to remove the children from the parent. Next to impossible.

So, I can see no reason why the judge would take the children away from you, even temporarily, to give them to your STBX, unless, as I said, some horrific things can be proven with respect to the children. So, I would say, don't sweat that one.

There will most likely be issues discussed of "temporary child support" and "spousal support" discussed tomorrow. I don't think the hearing will last very long. These types of issues can be disposed of quickly by a judge. And, believe me, they have heard it all and have a keen eye for wading through the B.S.!

Be sure of one thing, it doesn't matter if he wants to pay child support or not, if you get primary custody of the children, he will be ORDERED to pay child support. I also cannot imagine any judge separating a group of siblings. Another words, him taking only the two younger children.

If you are on 100% commission, that just means you have the opportunity to sell and make a lot of money!!! You can do it! Keep pushing on! Let us know how it goes! We have our fingers crossed! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 9:53am

Good luck today... I'll be thinking about you!


Let us know how it goes.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 1:53pm


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 10:37pm
Thanks to all of you for your posts and positive thoughts.
Ok, after a dose of imodione ad and advil I was somewhat ready. My attorney grilled me before hand to prepare for stbx attorney's questions. Right before we were called in both attorneys started their work. We ended up agreeing on joint temporary custody, me four he three days. Instead of paying child support he will pay half of the mortgage and ultilites, which is more benefical. We are going to mediation for the rest of the stuff. It looks though that we will sell the house. We just built it, December. I really like our house but not more than my children. I could make the payment by myself but I wouldn't have much in cushioning. I figure it would be better to find a cheaper house and have more play money. You know for soccer, dance and all that fun stuff. Maybe one day I'll be able to build another home. I attended a divorce parenting class tonight, the court orders both parents to attend. STBX didn't attend this evening. I wish he would have. They had some great information, for both of us. I just hate the feeling of our marriage being over. Yes I am the one that started it but that doesn't make it easy. He won't even talk to me. He won't tell me he is angry. He still won't consider counseling. We could save this if we both tried. I love him. He loves me (I think he does). He just doesn't see any problems. Why can't he see this is breaking my heart. To have to decide between your children and your husband. The children win out but it still hurts. I'm really starting to think he must have wanted this for awhile. He just didn't have the balls to start it. I gave him everything he wanted, freedom and liberal visitation with the younger two children. My attorney said we may have this all finished up in thirty days. I want it over quickly. While we are in limbo there is still a chance he may change his mind and want to go to counseling and try to work it out. That alone is so stressful. I need this to all end. We are either going to fix it or end it. I can't keep going on like this. I had my therapy session this afternoon and had to postpone it because court took so long. I can't go in now until Friday. I have to keep my feelings in check during the day. The kids can't see mommy crying. I am going to have to schedule my eldest for another meeting with the pychologist. He is feeling responsible, no matter how much I tell him he isn't. Gotta nip that in the bud now. Otherwise, everyone else is doing just fine. The kids as a whole are really doing well. The younger three started summer camp today. Well, two of them, lol. My six year old decided to puke in the van on the way this morning. He got to stay with me this morning and a friend this afternoon. When I got home this evening he was doing better. Even ate some crackers and kept them down. Whew, what a day. Another one down and a new one tomorrow.
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 11:29pm

"Another one down and a new one tomorrow." --Now that's a great motto!


Thanks for the update.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~