too much to think about
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| Wed, 03-16-2005 - 12:47pm |
Okay, I wrote last week that our house sold. Thank God!! Well, this past Sunday I purchased my own home. I did everything by myself except finding all the tax returns for the last few years. I needed stbx to help me find them since he had done all of the taxes. Anyway, he finds out about me buying a house and he spends the entire weekend crying. Usually he has our daughter on Saturday nights, but she was sick so he stayed with her at "our house" and I tried to stay out of the way. By Sunday morning I couldn't help but notice that he had been crying. When I asked him what was going on he startsto tell me about how he feels hopeless and he doesn't know what to do etc. I ask him if he just feels hopeless about us or other things and he says everything. I ask him if he is suicidal. No, he thinks he is okay. Then I ask him if he is reconsidering his decision to leave our marriage and he says he doesn't know anything anymore.
So here is my problem. I have been praying that somehow he would come around and realize that he was making the wrong decision about leaving, but up until now that has never happened. I finally started moving on with my life, selling the house, buying my own, going out with friends, finding a support group, etc, and now that I have been taking care of me he is starting to think he might have been wrong. Now he doesn't say that he wants to get back together, but all my feelings of hope coming flooding back just as I have started to move on. I thought I was clear on what was happening, but now I am just confused.
No matter what he decides, I already have a new home and I am not dependant on him to take care of me. I never really was; it just felt that way. I make good money and can take care of myself and my daughter, but I am lost in those feelings of wanting to get back together and have everything be good again. What do I do?
Neverdull

Hi
I can sort of relate to what you're going through. When my husband wanted out of the marriage, I was devastated. But he was also spiraling downhill and I didn't want to be taken on that route with him. (he got heavily into drugs). Like you, at first I also wanted more than anything for him to realize that it was all a mistake and that I really did mean alot to him and that he would want me back. BUt then I finally made some changes, started getting on with my life and realized the BEST thing for ME was NOT to be with HIM! We also sold our house, and I recently bought my own condo. I just move last week actually. I am also seeing someone and I tried to keep my ex from knowing about it cause I didn;t want to hurt him, but he found out a couple weeks ago. He spent that whole weekend crying too. It broke my heart. We talked alot that weekend and he told me how he has been wanting for weeks to have me back. How he wants to change and clean himself up so he can get me back. How I mean everything to him and he didn't realize it until we were apart. It was really hard on me for about a week after that cause I was torn between him and my new boyfriend. my new bf treats me like gold, something I've never had before. BUt I did miss my husband quite frequently so I didn't know what to do. I couldn't sleep at night, I would cry in my car all the way to work in the morning. Finally though I did realize that I don;t want to go back to him, as I wasn't happy almost our entire relationship.
So, if you really think its better for you to get on with your life without him, then do it. It can only get better from here. Good for you to get your own place.
((hugs))
My EX did that when he finally saw the reality that things were changing... that the marriage was over.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~