Toughing it out

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2007
Toughing it out
4
Fri, 06-27-2008 - 11:08am

I told him three weeks ago we needed to separate. He says he thinks this is the only way our marriage can make it. And he also said he thinks that if we do decide to divorce that it will be easier for him once he has physically moved out.

I'm having a rough time. He hasn't found a place to live yet. Usually he's not here, but when he is, it's very awkward. Very strained. Very uncomfortable. I'm tired of doing his laundry, cleaning up his messes. Yesterday he wanted to spend the day with the kids since we went to visit relatives for a week (it had been almost 2 weeks since he saw the kids). Well, he had them at the house, while Last cleaned up after him and the kids. Then I ran an errand and he called to ask when I'd be home so he could go pick up a pizza. He took them somewhere and came home and dumped the baby off with me so that he could do his own thing. So, here I am being kicked out so that he can have his alone time, but he wants me back so he can pick up a pizza? And wants me back at the house on his terms, while he has the kids, but he needs me to watch the baby so he can do whatever he feels like? So, all this reminded me of one of the many reasons why we are where we are. And I get eager to get the divorce and move on. Last night, he left to sleep at his parents' house and decided to tell the kids that he was going to the store. So, I was dealing with two kids on the couch with me at midnight last night. They couldn't sleep, I'm sure because they were wondering if daddy was coming home. I feel like he's such a poor excuse for a parent sometimes.

So, last night he told me he wants me out tonight, but I can be here Sat night. I thought I was able to stay here the entire weekend, so I'm thrown completely off. It's a huge pain in you know what to travel with a 6 month old. At any rate, I told him we need to arrange these things in advance. So, he sent me an email with a weekend schedule where it basically goes split, him, me for each weekend. And for some reason, that got me sad. I'm having trouble holding it together in front of the kids. Why is that?!?!?! Why can't I just know this is the right decision and not be upset about it? Why can't I just forge ahead? This was my decision after all. And, further, my brother will be visiting with his family in august and a while back we had all planned to go to a baseball game (we already have the tickets) and he wants to know if he's supposed to come or not. If things could be civil, I'd say sure. But, I have no idea. What do you all do about this stuff?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 06-27-2008 - 11:54am

I think this situation of having to live together waiting for the div just sucks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2008
Fri, 06-27-2008 - 12:10pm




You're having a hard time because divorce is hard, no matter the circumstances.




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2008
Sat, 06-28-2008 - 6:46am

I can so relate. My STBX is a 'fly by the seat of your pants' type also. He doesn't think discussing, planning, etc. are necessary. Hmm, wonder why we're headed to divorce? :P

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2008
Mon, 06-30-2008 - 1:39pm
First of all, let me just tell you how sorry I am for your situation. 2nd, QUIT DOING HIS LAUNDRY!!!! He's a big boy and eventually he will have to do it for himself anyway. I would also tell him that this is MY house too and I will NOT be kicked out of it so he can have alone time with the kids. If he wants alone time, then maybe he should start looking for a place of his own. Sorry if this sounds a little mean. I'm just sick and tired of these babies of men not wanting to be married, but still want us to take care of them. I hope things get better. HUGS!!