Trapped

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007
Trapped
16
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 7:06am

Hi!

I wanted to know if anyone else is in this situation and what they did about it or if anyone out there has any advice.

My D was final in Jan. X is still living at home and our young kids don't know about the D. Until we live apart I thought it would be too confusing to tell them. X is so in denial re: D. He just can't accept it. To the outside world we seems like a normal family. But I can't take it anymore. I hate him and I'm so tense whenever he's around. I mean, I D the man!!! We can't keep the house and I'm fine with it. He isn't. He is fighting me about putting it up for sale. I don't know what to do? If he doesn't work with me on this, the house will never get sold and me and my kids will never be on our own and I'll never be able to move forward to start my new life and maybe even find happiness with another man.

What would you do? How do I get him to come on board???? I can't sell the house w/o his okay, half if it his. HELP!!!!
R

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2005
In reply to: rachelzma
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 10:55pm
I have seen the errors of my ways - good luck to everybody!!!!


Edited 5/22/2007 12:40 am ET by whatup2005
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
In reply to: rachelzma
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 12:22am

Yes, she had an affair. That does not mean she does not deserve support on this board. Take your anger out on the person who deserves it -- your husband and HIS affair partner. You have no idea what her life was like. Yes, she made a mistake. However, you are obviously looking for someone to take your anger out on.

This board is about divorce. If you want support for being a betrayed spouse there is a board for you. Go and vent about your husband there. The original poster did not bring her affair into this board, you did.

Separate the boards please. Some of us aren't perfect.

And no I haven't had an affair. Your attitude makes me wonder though. I have posted on other boards. If I came on this board because I finally had the courage to give up everything and leave, would you go and find out about me? Would you ridicule me for staying in an emotionally and physically abusive marriage for over twenty years? Is it every person who posts or are you just obsessed with the my affair board?

I don't think any of us have a right to sit in judgment of anyone else until we have walked in their shoes. This is a divorce support board, not a "do you deserve support because you were the angel in the relationship" board.

I know this sounded kind of harsh, but until you let go of what your husband did -- he still controls you. He isn't worth that. Let it go.

GT

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2005
In reply to: rachelzma
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 12:27am

You know what - you're absolutely right - I'm a schmuck - good luck rachel - sorry. I deserved everything I got!!!

Edited 5/22/2007 12:41 am ET by whatup2005




Edited 5/22/2007 12:46 am ET by whatup2005
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
In reply to: rachelzma
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 12:52am

You are not a schmuck. You are a betrayed person, who did not deserve what happened to you. None of us deserve the things that are happening/have happened to us.

I wish I was well adjusted. I wish I could give up everything I worked for for 20+ years and leave. I wish my husband would fall in love with someone else and want a divorce -- because that is the only way I could have one -- short of disappearing.

It is so normal to strike out against the person who hurt you -- and when they are not around to strike out at a person who is doing the same kind of thing.

But I know how it feels to be trapped. I know how it feels to have no support. I read this board in the hopes of when day screwing up my courage and leaving. I go on domestic violence and mismatched libidos to try to make sense of my life.

I just hate to see us attack each other. I am so sick of attacks.

You are obviously a good person, and I wish you a good life, with a good man or by yourself, but a life filled with peace and happiness. We all deserve that.

Remember you are a good person and you did not deserve what he did. It is hard to separate emotions, but let's try, so we all have someplace save to go -- for whatever our problems are.

GT

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007
In reply to: rachelzma
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 7:30am

GT-

Thank you so much for your support.

You understand how I feel re: why I D my H. I understand where you are coming from too. My ex didn't physcially abuse me (well once he pushed me down when I was pregnant. oh and once he pinched me really, really hard b/c I interupted him when he was talking about an episode of Survior. And that was in front of people). But he was verbally abusive and he let his family verbally abuse me as well. It is an awful feeling to be abused. It makes YOU feel like there's something wrong with you or you did something to deserve it. When your H had an affair it was another slap in your face. You deserve better. Much better!

It was hard for me to walk away. If you need to talk about feeling trapped or need extra support, I'm here. Good luck to you!

Whatup---

Thank you! Your post meant a lot to me. I agree with GT, you're not a schmuck. You're hurt as I would be too in your situation. I wish you the very best as well.
Rachel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: rachelzma
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 9:33am

rachelzma and ALL!

Pianoguy doesn't think that anybody who has been through major heartbreak...with a spouse, b/f or g/f, or s.o. heals in the same way.

We try to get past the disappointments, but every so often we stumble backwards and feel like crap! We often blame ourselves for instances or circumstances we couldn't possibly control!

The only thing each of us can do is TRY TO LEARN FROM THE BAD EXPERIENCE AND TRY NOT TO REPEAT THE SAME PROBLEMS AGAIN.

The healing process takes time...and nobody can give you a time frame.

Here's hoping you and all who are hurting right now become happier in the months ahead?

Pianoguy

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