Trial Separation

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2008
Trial Separation
10
Sat, 05-03-2008 - 11:48am

Hi all,


I am new here but have been reading many posts over the last few weeks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Sat, 05-03-2008 - 12:06pm

Hmmm,


Without knowing your husband it's hard to say what he is hoping to accomplish by

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2008
Sat, 05-03-2008 - 8:58pm

My XH didn't believe in "separation."

It's okay to jump...you have wings! 

To move forward...you have to stop looking back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2008
Sun, 05-11-2008 - 8:39pm

Well,


The day has been decided.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2008
Sun, 05-11-2008 - 10:47pm

SunGal,

Even though I dont know you, I will be in prayer for you. In June, it would be 2 years with my husband (soon to be ex). He's bipolar and wont take meds and he is quitting smoking so withdrawling (so you can just imagine the rollercoaster I've been on). We have a 19 month old daughter together and have been seperated for 2 weeks now. He is animate about divorce and as hurt as I feel and am against it I'm going along with it. I think you should try the trial seperation for about a week to see how he and you feel. At the end of the week, you both then need to get together and talk about your experiences and discuss if divorce should be the right road. Now I'm not gonna lie, but during the seperation a lot of emotions will be overwhelming you, and you will feel the need to call him (but don't). You will have to face these feelings head on and resist the urge to speak with him pryer to the end of the week. I know it will be hard for you but you need to stay positive and optomistic. Expect the worse also, that way you don't get your hopes up high and get more hurt if he still feels like divorce. Also you need to take care of yourself emotionally and physically. See a councelor or pastor to just release your emotions and vent, find a support group with friends and family (if your family isn't around call them and talk).

If you don't have support you will fall into the deadly depression that most women do during a seperation and divorce. Keep busy, involve yourself into a hobby and into taking care of your child you will find this very helpful in forgetting the horrible emotions you're feeling. I hope all is well in your marriage but please remember not all marriages can have a happily ever after. Accept the worst that way when or if good happens it's great but if it does go to the deep end, your not stuck feeling worse than before. Remember to stay healthy and involve yourself with your kids because they are the light of your world and can make you feel good no matter what. My pastor told me once that I need to do whats right for me, because once I am healthy happy (both emotional and physical) my daughter will be happy for the most part. So with this long winded reply I wish the best of luck to you and will be praying for you because I know just how hard and alone one feels during all this. You will be ok remember that ok. I am here for you if you need a ear to vent on.

With all my love,

AngelBugs_Mama

AngelBug's Mama

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2008
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 10:10pm

Anna,


I went through the same thing, my husband left and we (he) had to tell the kids he was leaving (son is 6 and daughter is 8). First, get yourself ready, find a doctor or psych who can start you in medication for depression, that will help you be balanced, so you can deal with all the emotions that will come after he leaves and take care of your kids, you also need to start counseling for yourself.


Second, prepare the day for your kids, I asked my husband to tell my kids about him leaving on a Sunday Morning, and I had already plan a day at the water park with the kids and church, so after he told them (I was present), they cried a little, but I got in the "get busy" mode and I told them we needed to hurry up to go to church and then to the water park, they were so excited about the park that they brush that conversation right off. My counselor also told me that the best way for me to handle it is to try not to cry (I did but I was trying really hard not to) and to put on a 'happy face' and a "we are going to be OK in our house" and "I am OK" attitude, because if the kids see you devastated, they will feel worried about the situation, so the stronger you are and more emotionally prepared the better the kids will be.


Plan a picnic after or a visit to the zoo or to a place they really like and try to

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2008
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 10:49pm

<<

It's okay to jump...you have wings! 

To move forward...you have to stop looking back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2008
Tue, 05-13-2008 - 1:49pm

What a nice way you had with words regarding getting over "him".


Yes, I have found that I HAVE to stay busy---keep my mind off of the problem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2008
Wed, 05-14-2008 - 11:02pm

Thanks to all of you for your words of support!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2008
Tue, 06-03-2008 - 5:14am

I just thought I would update everyone on my situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 06-06-2008 - 10:25pm

I'm sorry to hear about your dad....


I would definitely consult with an attorney and be up front about the possibility of moving at some point and having that dealt with now so that you don't have to re-open the can of worms when you decide you are ready to go.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~