Truth....
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| Sat, 06-11-2005 - 7:58pm |
As most of you know, I had a problem on the boards on friday. Basically "someone" posing as candyk8 posted a fact about me that I didn't care to share. She stated that I was a walking hipocrite because I said "once a cheat always a cheat" with regards to a post about another member's XH with relevance to my own experiences.
What she had said is the truth.
In November 04 I found out my current boyfriend was seeing someone else. In my findings I found that they had gone out on occassion of which he lied to me and told me he would be somewhere else. I also found out that they had kissed. I was 7 months pregnant at the time with my SO's child and I literally lost it. I was ready to leave. I had nowhere to go, no job, no money, no place to set up house and most of all I didn't want to hurt my kids. SO and I fought pretty hard core and I told him that I was going to leave. I had it in my head that I was going to pack my bags and be out the door by the time he got home from work. I also told him he was no better than my XH or OW. At that moment something clicked in him. His facial expressions changed, he cried, he told me he was sorry and swore that he would never do it again. I told him that I didn't trust him and that if I was going to stay that we would have a lot of work to do. I also told him that if at ANY TIME he was unhappy with me or anything he needed to tell me and we would deal with it like adults. He promised me he would not talk to her again. It took me a couple of days but when I thought about it, I decided to stay. It was a hard decision. I had nowhere to go but I still felt like I needed better for me and the kids. Once we had that talk and he realized that I wasn't kidding, I was ready to leave, he changed. He completely changed. He turned into the perfect boyfriend and father to the children. Everything changed. I questioned it at first but then realized that he was making an effort to make up for what he had done. Did I check up on him? yes. I installed a key logger on the computer, checked his phone info ( call history ) and checked on him numerous times a day online and via phone. Everything checked out. Then our son was born. Idk, what happend. He changed again. Into the perfect loving helpful father. Everything was working itself into place. Since then, we have grown very close. I don't question everything anymore and I believe him when he tells me things. We had to work hard, but we are ok.
This whole thing was a terrible point in my life. I honestly thought WHAT A FUC! up I am. What kind of mother am I? I believed him when he told me________. I hated myself. My self esteem went so low.
I guess for me it became about my kids. I didn't want them to feel like they lost another father. I know it's hard for us single mom's and dad's when we meet someone, we date them for awhile and who knows what could happen in the future. I just didn't think it could happen to me, again. I was wrong and I learned a lot about me in that whole process.
I have allowed myself to fall in love with him. I love him to death and we love every moment we spend together. Things are noticably different, together and individually. Things might just be OK.
Thanks for listening.



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Hey there!
No way was I offended by anything you said.... I actually posted "your right, once a cheater always a cheater" and then the OW, dating my XH, proceeded to tell everyone that my SO cheated on me. A detail i didn't want to share.... but..... I feel better getting it out in the open.
My SO's cheating consisted of him kissing another girl. One he worked with. SO didn't leave me to be with her and once I talked to this girl I realized I am better than she is and I always will be. My XH left me to be with OW. Although I still believe I am a better catch than she is, he left his ex wife for me and left his then girlfriend for his 1st wife. Married and divorced 2 times and he is only 29 years old. That to me says a lot and proves the statement once a cheat always a cheat. Of course, my XH grew up seeing it, his father married 3 times and his mom married 2 times. Mom carried a relationship with a married man for years and dad cheated on all of his wives except his third. ( I don't know the facts on wife number 3 I only found out the other facts from XH's mom after XH left me ) So I do believe that statement to be true sometimes... not all the time. After reading and thinking a lot about it, I realize maybe I was being a hipocrite. BUT, knowing what I know about SO's "cheat" and knowing what I know about XH's "cheat" makes me know I don't want and never wanted to work things out with XH.... XH and SO are just 2 different people.
Hugs to you,
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