Trying to divorce - how to convince?
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 02-08-2008 - 4:15pm |
I have expressed to my husband that I wish to divorce.
Background - married nearly 13 years, together nearly 15. Started dating when I was 17, he was 21. By that math I am now 32 and he is 36. We have two boys who both have special needs.
During a recent weekend of "discussion" of all this, his feelings altered between working things out and telling me I can file for divorce, but he will not grant it. In doing so, he would state he wanted me out of the house immediately, then he wanted me to stay. Eeek - can you say confusion?!?! Finally I did the wrong thing and just left - literally. I hopped on a flight and went out of town.
So on that note, yup, I've done the wrong thing and have been having an affair. It's not my first during the marriage. The last one I had, he discovered in 2002 and we worked things out after that. This time I realize it's not possible to work things out. I do not have that marital love for him and it's just not fair to him - he should be free to find someone who can truly love him.
At this point he wants to work things out. No matter what I say, he wants to work it out. Unfortunately (financially) I've been a stay at home mom all these years and only just started college to finally get a degree. So my earning potential is pretty limited. If I had money (he cut off my access to money so that I don't leave again), I would leave and get an apartment elsewhere - after all, I'm the one that wants to end the marriage, so I should leave.
So how do I convince him that it is truly over? I feel it is so wrong for him to keep trying to woo me even though I keep telling him I do not want to work it out.
Thank you for your help.

Hi anitahug,
I admire your honesty and I can see that your situation is tough.
I so understand what you are currently going through. I have been married for some time and me and my soon to be ex have three boys under the age of 10. The money was a huge issue. I gave up my career to stay home with them and have only recently gotten back to work, into a completely differnt field. I am scared and nervous but realize that I only have one life and I have to make it a GREAT one....and great for my kids. They have struggled with seeing us argue and the lack of love that my soon to be ex and I have for each other. We have been seperated since Aug. and he is still procrastinating with the divorce. I have meet someone recently and realize what it is like to be truly loved. I think that it has made it easier for me because I know realize that I wasnt really loved by my soon to be ex anyway. Its hard....you want to be independent but where do you start? I don't know how to answer that because I am still trying to find that out for myself. But I am trying and trying to do it with happiness knowing that my family will be okay and that we dont have to live with arguing and lies anymore!:)
Oh the letting go issue. I was fought through every single step and process and in the long run it cost me more money because so much contesting took place, if he just went with it I would of been done last summer. The key is DO NOT GIVE UP if this is what you know has to happen, thats their plan to wear you out to give up. I am a stubborn