Trying to figure out whether to divorce
Find a Conversation
|Thu, 12-06-2012 - 9:56am|
My husband and I are very unhappy together. We used to be fight regularly and after 15 years together had finally come to a good place. Then the kids came and from my point of view, he completely changed. It was like he couldn't stand having to share me. He got very angry that I didn't have as much time for him. I tried, but what with working full time and having twins, not to mention that he doesn't lift a finger around the house, it got worse and worse. Now he is a very unhappy person, says he doesn't see us ever being happy together again, but thinks it would be wrong to split up because of the kids. I think maybe splitting up would be better. He wants me to be a different person than I am. He has always gotten angry with me because I am not adventurous sexually. He would like me to do wife swapping and other things that I am just not comfortable with. I think in order to make him happy, he has to have all the things he wants. He doesn't have to help around the house, he gets all the wild sex he wants (no matter how awful it makes me feel), he does just what he wants and nothing he doesn't want. And then he gets angry with me because I have no time for him. I spend every minute working, taking care of the kids and taking care of the apartment, cooking etc. How am I supposed to have time for him when he won't help? We went to counseling for 2 years and nothing really changed. He says he will do more to help but what he doesn't understand is that he has to do 50% in order for me to have time for him. Not 1%. So then when he sees I am still overwhelmed he says helping doesn't make any difference.
I think I am just married to a very selfish man. And I don't think it is ever going to get better. Is it so wrong to break up when you have kids? Our kids are about to turn 8. I am thinking I should ask him to move out as soon as he can. He has already said he can't afford to keep our apartment by himself, so I would be the one to stay here, at least until the lease expires. The saddest thing about all of this is that I still love him and I think I always will. But I need someone to love me back enough to be a real partner. And not expect me to betray myself by doing sexual things I not only don't WANT to do, but that for me just feel wrong. Like I would be killing part of myself.
Please, give me your opinions. After 24 years together and then listening to him tell me how terrible I am to him because I don't meet his needs, I often just don't know if I can trust my own judgement any more.