Trying to get over the hurt
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| Thu, 01-31-2008 - 10:38am |
I was married for almost 3 years to a man i fell in love with right away,i mean i never had been in love but i knew when i was with him that i loved him.The first 6 months of marriage were great,then the phone calls started,people i knew were telling me that they saw him with another girl,all i could do was cry,i was 19 and i didnt want to be without him.He said they were lying and i didnt want to give up so i believed him.After this the trust never got regained.
I always had these doubts in my mind,that he was unfaithful.The next 2 years were hard,lots of fighting,abuse,and pain for both of us.In september of last year we got in a big fight and I left,and went to my friends house.He called me on the phone and told me that he had been having an affair,and that i was nothing compared to her.I broke down after that i couldnt talk i felt like i couldnt breath,i started having panic attacks.He ended up coming to her house and telling me face to face it hurt so bad i knew it had to end now,icouldnt take him back after that,no way.It was hard to watch him move out.I just wanted to know how to deal with this pain,i feel like i cant trust anyone,im too scared to,and im 5 months pregnant what do i do

My heart hurts for you. Im so sorry for all the hurt that he has caused especially at a really special time in your life. My story is very similar to yours. I finally left my x after catching him numerous times with his now fiance who is 24 years younger than him. We've been dealing with custody of our 23 month old daughter and his visitation. Without going on to much about that I just want you to know it DOES get better. It hurts like hell but it does get better. Especially for someone who is going through the most special time of your life as a woman and now soon to be mommy. Its the best and trumps all other things going on...good, bad indifferent. Enjoy motherhood. Dont let his words hurt you...he says what he says because hes embarrassed as a man. He knows what hes done and he cant deal with it. Lean on friends and family as much as you can. They are there for you.
You might want to check out the other boards. Ive been active on Single Mothers and Dating and the women on there are all wonderful and very supportive and will let you vent and give good advice. I know you dont want to know anything about dating but its mostly mommy talk and i think you need to bond with some moms that have been through the same thing, and beleive me when you hear some of their stories they are really close to yours. I know its not a relief or comforting at this point to know there are other women out there but maybe you can breath a little knowing others have made it and you will to. One day at a time...
(((HUGS)))
M