Trying Hard to Focus!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2007
Trying Hard to Focus!!
1
Sat, 08-11-2007 - 10:32pm
I have been going through a divorce, that seems like forever. I have been married for 6years, together for 13years, seperated two many times. Sometimes, I question myself "WHY" I put up with his crap for so long. My husband's an alcoholic and has had a drug problem on and off, more on than off. He would drink constantly, hang out all night with his friends, not come home, no call, then not understand why I was angry. I would throw him out, he would straighten up for 3-6months, then slowly go back into the same pattern, and all over again. I moved out once for 6months, then he went to rehab, and promised he would change for good, well that didn't happen, by then I had moved back in the home, and I decided it was time for him to leave, again gone for 3months, then again beg to come back and changed for good, guess what?? You already know!! I threw his ass right out the door, this time I feel relieved. I feel as if all my drama has finally left the house. I was tired of waiting up at night, wandering if he will get home in time, tired wandering what my weekend will be like, alone or doing something together, tired of always having to wait and see. I want a life, after 13 years, I feel like I am slowly beginning to learn to live again. I want to get out and make friends, do something for myself that I want to do. I supported his butt when he was down and out, and soon as he would get on his feet half way, he would get cocky and think he owned the world. He is a selfish, self-pitying person who will never be happy, always blaming someone for his problems, an eternal teenager who never grew up. He could be good, but then he could be so bad. He could be loving, but then so hateful. I kept waiting for him to become the person I thought he could be, not realizing the person he really was. I never thought I would be one of those woman, sitting at home, waiting and wandering, letting life slip her by, but now I realized that is just what I'd become. I had met a really nice man, during one of our seperations, and things were going well, but my ex comes back just like nothing happened, and I felt sort of like a mother trying to save her child. I realize now that's exactly what he expected and wanted. Never wanting me, but not really wanting to committ to me either. Well no more!! I am done and I am ready to move on. I hope your support here will keep me focused on the prize, and that is the new me. The me I always know I can be. Thankyou, and please any advice or stories how you are surviving will be good.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Sun, 08-12-2007 - 9:46am

I just wanted to send {{{HUGS}}} and say I hope all goes well for you as you make your new life and take care of yourself and your child(ren).

This board can be a big support.

M