Trying to make a decision....
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Trying to make a decision....
| Wed, 06-01-2005 - 11:57pm |
OK...I am new here so bear with me! I am struggling to make a decision about ending my marriage or trying to stay for the kids sake. My DH and I have been married for 8 years and have not had the greatest of relationships. We get along, little fighting and arguing, we work together well at parenting and household chores, but we have no emotional ties to one another. We did get married because I was pregnant with our now 8 year old and we also have a 4 year old. We have talked about a divorce a few times but we always decide that it would be better for the boys if we stayed together. Now I am really having a hard time because as much as I love my children and I care for DH, I feel like I am trapped. I don't want to be in a loveless marriage for the rest of my life. I want to think that there is more out there for me (happiness). Am I being selfish? What is the right thing to do? I do think that we could share custody of the boys and still both be an active part of their lives. I even think that we would be able to get along and negotiate custody and financial issues without resentment. I just feel like our marriage is dead (if it were ever alive). I know that DH feels the same way I do. I need some help and advise from you guys on pursuing an end and where do I start? I feel like a BASKETCASE!

hmmmmm, sounds to me that your relationship isn't completely loveless.
I would suggest doing things to reignite that spark that was there. Sometimes when we are in a relationship for a long time we misinterpret the feeling of first being in love to the lack of that feeling as being "not in love". Love goes deeper.
Don't give up too easily. Everything happens for a reason, maybe your realization of a problem was part of the "plan" for you guys to take some "you" time.
Hugs and good luck,
Angelena
Is there any hope of getting a spark?
I don't agree in staying together for the children, but you guys got married for a reason, the baby CANT be the only reason you got married......
Any chance on getting a spark?
I don't think so. It's just not there. I know that I said in my first post that we didn't fight but that is just because we don't communicate at all. The thing is... from the outside looking in we are the perfect couple! Everyone thinks things are fine. Because of this I have never talked about it to anyone! Our relationship was kind of rocky when we were dating. It was more like a friendship than LOVE. I am at the point I don't want to try to ignite sparks. Inside our house we don't act like a married couple. There is no intimacy whatsoever.
Thanks for reading and responding to my crazy saga!
Ok I know this sounds crazy.....
Everyone says that counceling is the answer. I am not so sure in ALL cases.
Check out what I found yesterday online:
You need to ask yourself:
Do not make life-changing decisions in the midst of emotional turmoil. Such consequential decisions should not be made when tensions are high. Get on flat ground first so you can look at things more rationally.
"You know you're ready for a divorce when you can walk out the door with no anger, frustration or hurt. Otherwise, you've got unfinished business," says Dr. Phil. "Unless and until you look each other in the eye feeling peace, no hatred or resentment, you're not ready to get a divorce."
I guess take that for what it's worth... I believe that people give up too easy sometimes. I think that people who are unhappy with themselves end up unhappy in their relationships and often end things because of selfish reasons.... ( not saying that is what your doing, please don't get me wrong )
I hope I help even a little bit.
Hugs,
Angelena
Well said, Angelena.
Doesn't sound crazy to me--wanting to leave a loveless marriage. Leaving any marriage is a difficult decision. Took me a year just to make the initial phone call to the lawyer, and I can still stop the process at any time. At least find out what your options are. Can't hurt to start doing some research.
Don't stay together for your kids. That's part of my problem. I've hung on to what was clearly a failing situation because of my son. When I couldn't get pregnant after 3 years of trying--and hormone shots--I finally took the hint God was giving me. If I had another child I would feel compelled to remain here longer, and it's time to go. You don't want them to learn to stay someplace they're not happy. You also don't want to give them the idea that a marriage should be impersonal--spark is always important. A marriage should--on all levels--be intimate.
Best of luck!
Marianna
http://marisonestepatatimedivorceblog.blogspot.com/