Trying to move on but can't HELP!!!!
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| Tue, 01-01-2008 - 9:52pm |
Hi Everyone. This forum seems to be a good place to discuss problems. Well I hope you all can give me your helpful advice. Well..lets begin shall we. I married my husband before he left for Iraq. We both were 19 at the time and he left a month after we got married. I wasn't ready at that time, but I loved him, and like a idiot, I did it anyway. I stood by him, wrote him letters, sent him care packages and everything. I never, ever cheated on him and I stood by his side. When he returned, everything was great then all of a sudden he left and said that he "wasn't in love with me anymore". He came back 3 weeks later, everything was fine, then on our computer I found that he has a profile on adult friend finder and my space for months. He had even post his private part on the website. I was horrified. I could not believe it. I was embrassed and ashamed and I didn't understand it his actions. He was emailing girls for sex and even gave them our house number. Women were calling and hanging up for weeks and I didn't know why. He once again said that he wasn't in love with me and left. He came back and I took him back again....
well fast forward he left me again this time for good. He said that I was

Hi New,
Welcome to SD&S. I know it's no fun to be where you are.
Here's my blunt advice as a divorce survivor and one whose experienced the "reluctant spouse":
STOP TAKING HIM BACK.
Go forward with whatever legal paperwork you need to file to complete your divorce. An attorney can advise you on the proper steps if your husband is not living in the area or won't be stateside for a while.
It's obvious your husband has no idea what he wants but he's having a lot of fun keeping you on the string wondering what's happening next. He's immature (emotionally and mentally) and he's also a manipulator. He has no intention of "working things out" because he either doesn't want to or doesn't know how.
Your relationship with his parents is something you can maintain outside of a marriage, if they will. If not, there's little you can do, as they say blood is thicker than water.
I also advise you to stop talking with your spouse. The only communication he should receive from you is regarding the divorce procedure. Then, close your ears to his silly threats, comments, and any type of "of please take me back" stuff. He wants to "play" so let him play but don't continue to be there so convenient for him between girlfriends.
I know this is hard, but one of the best ways to get free of someone who won't leave themselves is to cease communication. Get your legal papers in order, file them, and get your eyes set on yourself. You have a new degree and a new chance to start over in 2008. It won't be fast or easy. But you can do it.
Good luck and let us know how you're doing!
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
Hi and I'm sorry you find yourself here, but this is a great place to come for advice.