Trying to not talk to him - soooooo hard
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| Sat, 04-22-2006 - 3:56pm |
I am kind of new here. I am recently separated, I found out stbx was using drugs and siphoning our money. We have nothing left, house is in foreclosure, etc.....
My problems seem insurmountable right now, and I have 3 young girls.
I am taking one day at a time and facing each hurdle as it comes. I originally wanted to keep him involved with the girls, but he is unable to control his anger and his nasty mouth in front of them. I now realize it is better to let my oldest ask for him and be sad he is not around, then to have to deal with the psychological torture he was putting us through.
I am having a hard time avoiding his calls and even not calling him when something happens. I Always turned to him for everything. We were together 16 years this May and there wasn't a day that went by that we didn't talk.
He is a total stranger now, an addict, and I am struggling to separate this man now and the man I love. It is the hardest thing I have ever faced in my life. I guess it is kind of like a death, but you have no closure. Does this make sense?
Anyone have any advice? Thoughts? My friends and family are supportive in different ways. They all mean well, but it is so hard to make them understand and so easy for them to give advice of what to do. Each day is a struggle - I feel like an addict myself, saying okay, I got through another day of not calling - don't do it, don't pick up the phone or dont answer it!!! Every conversation would be argumentative with name calling, etc, and I keep thinking okay, maybe this time will be different, and it never is!! There is a huge void that I suppose someday will go away, but right now it really hurts.....
Erica

Hi Erica,
Welcome to this board! It's a great board for support. I'm truly sorry for what you are going through and do understand. It is sort of like a "death". It's very easy for friends/family to tell you what to do and then go back to their own life. You love this man so it understandable why not talking to him is so difficult.
Is your DH getting help for his addiction? By what you said in your message sounds like he's not getting help. Maybe if he gets help, you can at least talk without getting into any arguments.
My DH also has an addition that I'm trying to cope and understand. Just know that you are NOT alone and there are so many here that can help.
((((HUGS))))))
Melissa
Hi Erica
Have you tried alanon? I know he is an addict but our reactions to them are addictive too.
I am divorcing my husband who was an out of control alcoholic and alanon helps me an awful lot. No one gets it as well as other people who love someone who has an addiction I am married 14 years.
Here is a website that helps me
http://www.activeboard.com/forum.spark?forumID=42727&subForumID=94433
Huge Hugs Erica!
Sadly I've been in your shoes...just in the habit of talking to xh about anything.
Hugs~ Lexi
"Shoot for the moon and if you miss you will still be among the stars" ~ Les Brown