Trying to sort through the changes
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Trying to sort through the changes
| Sat, 08-11-2007 - 10:55pm |
I'm new to all of this. Message boards and divorce. I've been married 5 years and have a toddler. My husbnad and I decided recently to divorce. Really a mutual decision, and definitely the right one, but still difficult to make, especially with a baby to consider. ANyway, what has me the saddest right now is that I feel like this has been a slap in the face as far as the rest of my life is concerned. I have lots of "friends" but no really close ones. I guess I thought some were better friends than they really are. I just feel like right now I really need some good friends to step up and just be an occasional shoudler to cry on. Instead they're all caught up in their own lives and no one seems to realize that I haven't got anyone in the world right now to lean on. I think I'm doing really well, and that's what everyone keeps saying, but it just would be nice to have a friend once in a while that I knew I could count on. Instead I feel like I just have a nunch of people I know who just want to hear how "okay" I'm doing. Guess I'm just feeling really alone right now.

I am so sorry. {{HUGS}}
You put it well. Some people, even most people, just want to pretend your life is running smoothly (despite the hell you are living in) because they can't offer you any thing of themselves in support or they actually need you to be the you you always have been.
You have articulated something I have experienced with many folks. I just didn't describe as well as you. Many of my friends, particularly one "close" one just go on as if nothing has changed, asking me to sit their kids, talking about slipcovers, their husbands, school, etc. If something comes up in a neutral way about my situation, they just ignore it--not kidding. I have struggled with this.
Otoh, I do have several friends who have totally been there for me and do listen. I am sorry you don't have that. It's all you really need is one or two -- they help you soldier on through the rest of you day and act like your world is stable rather than crumbling.
And actually, that is good -- if we act strong, we ultimately are strong.
I hope you find one or two folks, even if it is someone far away that you get support from on the phone, that can help support you.
Also, look for DivorceCare -- they have local support groups -- VERY helpful to be with other people going through what you are! Also, MeetUp might have a local single parents group. The one in my area has TONS of activities for single parents to do with their kids --again being in the company of folks in your situation might help!
Hugs,
M
Hi snowflakegirl,
I just wanted to send you a hug. I posted for the first time just now under the post "need some encouragement." Even though these boards are fairly anonymous, it's incredible to just read someone else's words and know exactly what they're going through. I'm not sure how old you are, but for me, the most difficult thing in addition to not having anyone here who truly understands the emotions in this, is not having much "life" before I met and married my H, so that I don't have anything to return to, so to speak, in the way of my identity. Who I am as an adult was in large part created with my H. So it's not just needing support from others, it's also about learning to support myself for the first time, and trusting that I have the skills and capabilities to do that!
Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you are heard and understood and to keep your head up. Every day you wake up and do something good for yourself of your baby is a successful day in the life of you!
L2L