UGGGGGGGG Holidays

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2004
UGGGGGGGG Holidays
1
Wed, 12-21-2005 - 10:55am
I am really feeling torn here. I feel that I am still being manipulated by stbx and kids.
Christmas in almost here and aggggggggggh. Stbx and i have been separated for over a year and he does everything within his power to keep control of everything including legal aaspect, another story. When all is said and done we will have joint custody with me having primary residence. As it stands now the dd's 16 and 14 stay with him every other weekend. He does not communicate with me at all and ignores any correspondence from me in any form.
As it so happened this year all major holidays have fallen on his weekends so as a result I have spent them all with out dd's ie easter, thanksgiving birthdays etc. This weekend is Christmas which happens to fall on my weekend, he has arranged with the girls to spend Christmas eve and boxing day with them with me having Christmas day, which sounds great in theory. Last year this was also the arrangement and it was miserable. He brought the girls home at 1:30 am on Christmas morning. As you are all aware Christmas is a very hectic day and the girls were tired and grumpy all day!!! And there is nothing worse than a tired teenager. So this year I asked that they come home at a more reasonable hour and suggested 11:00pm Christmas ever. Apparently this is a hassle as they are going to family Christmas eve and will not guarantee that they will be home at a decent hour.
I told them if they cannot be home at a decent hour they should just stay with their Dad. Of course they do not like this arangement but still will nnot compromise.
This happens all of the time he has them. Including every other Sunday night, this from the father who refuses to pay any support and does not help out in any way including discipline. Fun DAD!!
DD's have the best of both worlds and I am tired of always being the scapegoat. They all expect me to cater to everyone whims and be at their beck and call at all times and I am feeling still very abused by all of them now.
Do I stay at home and wait for them or go and enjoy Christmas with my Family (two hours away)minus children. It kills me to think about spending the holidays without them but cannot continue this way with everyone dictating to me and not having any say!!
Am I being selfish??
Any thought would be very welcome!!! Please
Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-21-2005 - 4:22pm

No, you're not being selfish... one thing I definitely suggest is going ahead and getting the holiday visitation schedule documented in your divorce settlement... I know that in my case, my xh chose not to have any holidays, but in most situations, Christmas and Thanksgiving are alternated... and it is not a matter of whose weekend they fall on... not only that, but typically with Christmas being a longer vacation period, typically the other parent doesn't get them the day before and day after Christmas, but there is a several day period which is parent A's and another several day period which is parent B's... that way you have more control over the situation... definitely speak with your lawyer and get that spelled out... it may not help this year... but can help for future holidays...

Another thing I would encourage you to remember is to not let other people's actions affect you... I realize this is easier said than done, especially with an x or stbx, but you cannot control their actions, but you can control your reaction... hold your head high and don't let the (insert your choice of non iV friendly words here) get you down...

Sending you lots of hugs!

Julie