Unbelievable!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2006
Unbelievable!!!!!!
4
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 11:17pm

I'm trying to get divorced at a reasonable price so decided to go the Collaborative route. First half first meeting not bad. Then stbx starts listing his "demands", his lawyer nodding at this. I'm paying for BOTH lawyers from money I had in savings, and I have to listen to this. My lawyer asked what I wanted short term/long term, etc. and I said to be out of my house with my dtr and to be at Peace.

Next stbx announces that he wants to pursue an annulment. He hasn't been in church for the past 15 years until the last two Sundays (we've been married 23 years). He wants me to agree to this. I've read up on it and he can't apply until we are divorced. It will cost him money. He has no grounds. I don't have to agree or participate. But, to say that the last 23 years didn't exist is absurd and really hurt my feelings.

I know it won't affect our legal divorce, but this man is so out for revenge that I'm wondering if I will have to go the "regular" route for a divorce. I just can't see him doing much collaborating. Any advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Sat, 06-30-2007 - 12:00am
I don't know what state you live in, but in my state you can not get an anullment if you have children. Especially if children are minors.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2007
Sat, 06-30-2007 - 12:53am

You are looking at this reasonably and affordably and he is hitting you where it hurts emotionally. Charming.

Here is some advice. If he can't pay for his lawyer, THEN HE SHOULDNT HAVE ONE.

If things are amicable, then you really only need one lawyer, to sort out the legalities and make sure things are filed correctly in both your interests.

If it's contested then I am sorry. If you want peace, well you are taking the steps to do that. You can't make him at peace also. It is his choice to not be that way. You do the best for yourself and your children. He isn't one of the children. Is he so very much younger than you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Sat, 06-30-2007 - 7:44am

Hi Luna,


First of all - STOP PAYING FOR HIS ATTORNEY!

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2006
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 8:16am

Thanks for all your replies! First, I am 58, he is 54. In Collaborative divorce, it is not supposed to be "cut throat" type of litigation. The money I am using to pay his lawyer is from so-called "marital money" that I earned. My lawyer has informed his lawyer that I paid for the retainer fee and that will be taken into account when things are divided.

What I should have taken into consideration is that he is very "passive-aggressive"(this is what our marriage counselor said to his face during one of our sessions). My son (18), one time in the past, called him a snake because he doesn't say anything, then he strikes. My dtr(21) will come live with me until she finds a place of her own, so there will be no child support. However, we have been married 23 years (together 25) and I will be eligible for spousal support. I was the one who initiated the divorce as he has let our son, who has bipolar disorder, do whatever he wants and I have no say in what goes on in my own home. This has been going on for four years and it is my son who this is going to hurt in the long run. He has no boundaries and has said, of course, that he wants to stay with STBX. I have been a SAHM for 21 years, so the only money I have of my own is inheritance, which is not much.

I am signing a lease on an apt. for Sept. and am sick to my stomach with worry that I can make rent payments. My dtr works full-time so will help out, but I will have to cover everything once she moves on. I have a part time job, but am looking for full-time, but after 21 years, my secretarial skills are not what most places request these days (Access, Excel, etc.)so will have to brush up on these or take a beginning level Clerical job.

At any rate, thanks for your concerns and support. I will have to just suppress any anger I have toward his actions and let HIM stew in his OWN spite.