Update

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2005
Update
1
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 9:28am

I just want to thank you gal's so much...the encouragement here for others and what I have received is unbelievable.

Update:

I got a close friend to babysit the children Monday so I could go to the Clerk Recorder office and pay for new birth certificates so I could enroll them in the elementary school.

Stbx called the police with a lie that our four year had called him saying "Daddy help me, come get me please!" and then someone hung up the phone. The four year old was with his brother and sister playing happily at a friends house who he knows well --- plus he doesn't have any phone numbers memorized yet. I went to the Leasing Office and there were two squad cars and four officers there...they told me stbx had been sent away already. I started to explain and had the temp orders to show them, but one of the officers was the same one who responded while stbx was under the RO last year - he had tried to get in the house to get the cell phone (he had the landline turned off and I wanted to retain the cell phone)...anyhow the officer told me I did not really even need to explain; that when the children are in my care, I am allowed to make reasonable child care decisions just as ex is when he has his 50% of the parenting time. They left and I went on about my errands.

He has sent many emails, had his lawyer call me, had the psychologist who did our court ordered 730 which he paid for and his lawyer picked that doctor also, my lawyer at the time went along with it, but still he and his parents paid for it, and though they are integral in this case, the grandparents were not made to take any of the testing as part of the process. I remember the psychologist telling me that neither my stbx or myself were allowed to contact him after the final eval was submitted to the court.

Anyhow stbx is leaving phone messagesalso, one sounding so kind and reasonable "lets not put the children in the public school yet, 'lets' wait til the trial is over" and then the next one says "My lawyer is getting a formal injunction that will bar the children from going to the public school, so don't waste your time putting them there, and I am not going to take them next week for sure." Then he sent one saying no matter if this judge places them with me he will get another judge and another until he gets 'his' kids, he will never stop. The next email stated that he is going to make our older son who he 'disowned' about 6 weeks ago and who has been living with me full time, whom he has not contacted or talked things out with, whom he doesn't even let the little children talk with on the phone when they talk with me...who apologized to him twice to try and work things out --- that son he says is not addressed in this temp order, so he is going to demand he go with him on the stbx's parenting week and further that he is going to MAKE him cut his hair, ban any of the son's favorite rock music, make him wear clothing of the fathers choice, make him join a sport at school of the fathers choosing..." ---

I have hoped they could talk things out eventually as I do not want my older son or any of the children to have no relationship at all with their father. But this is just a situation that is volatile. He has been violent with the older son since he was 12 or so, five or more occasions where he has sat on him, used his hair to throw him to the ground, pinned him against a bookcase...the court and the childrens lawyer know about those times, I am disappointed that the judge somehow overlooked this situation in these new temp orders. I guess the judge was hoping the father would do right and recontact his son and make some sort of sense of the situation; but the stbx's harsh way of everything is not going to help things. I am really worried and nervous. Stbx still hasn't signed up for the court ordered web site where we are supposed to leave messages for each other. I don't want to reply to his emails or anything; though I sent a short one yesterday to make sure he knew I was home with the children because he sent one saying where are his children and he wanted his mid week visit with them. His lawyer called saying where are the children, and where should stbx meet to pick them up. So I answered by email saying anytime after 3 pm was fine, that one of our sons has a stomach flu and I was home with them. Well the email bounced back to me - he has me blocked I guess on his email program. So I also posted it on the familywizard site.

I think if I had a lawyer, he might be able to get an RO or a limited one at least against stbx for harassing me, but I don't know. I am still trying to get the kids in school, trying to get applied for food stamps - but he has their social security cards, etc. Its so hard to think straight. I am making lists and trying to sort through things a little at a time; but I don't think I am thinking fast enough.

Some wonderful moms here have offered me money to help pay the rent for December so the kids and I will at least have the apartment for one more month. On the one hand it is such a huge blessing; on the other its hard to accept help when I have had such encouragement on this board and I want to in turn help someone else going through what I have. I cannot send a big enough hug to those who are so compassionate to total strangers.

I thank you from the bottom of my heart and will keep on trying to make it to the January court trial. I love my kiddo's; they love me and they deserve to have a chance at having both parents in their life, if I can just make that happen, it will be one thing that will help them through this fracture of their family. Hugs to everyone, Annah.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: flalass
Sat, 11-19-2005 - 8:09pm
Good luck, Annah.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~