Update after CS Hearing...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2005
Update after CS Hearing...
4
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 10:13am

I hope there were some fun weekends going on amongst our community?! Hmm....what can I find to say that is positive---the weather here is absolutely gorgeous and I and the kids have been enjoying it.

I am helping my girls explore a girl scout troop nearby and they really want to sign up. There is an event this upcoming week when they will be on my parenting time and we are looking forward to having a great time at it. (Stbx isn't 'interested' in them joing GS' because it is a 'femi-nazi' training ground....*insert 80's style gag-me-with-a-spoon emote right here please...)!

Here is what happened at the Child Support Hearing we finally had (the third 60 or 90 day delay each of his three different lawyers he has had so far have gotten approved...) It wasn't pretty or positive. I don't understand. I am still going to keep trying to find a lawyer that might help the kids and I at least for the final Custody Trial date; but so far haven't been successful.

we had the Child Support hearing (actually the fourth one -- three others delayed). His lawyer put a motion before the judge to delay the courts action on the cs ---stating (1) He is going to submit information to 'prove' he had the children more than 50% for a 3 month period; and (2) The final Custody Trial is only 6 weeks from now and this separate case before a different judge would have to be revisited and everything recalculated again in a short period of time.

The interim calendar judge approved the delay ;o(. I asked if he would at least address some part of the over $5k arrears issue for the time being; but he said he believes the whole action needs to be seen at once--the date is set for two weeks past the final trial - which is mid June. That is a long ways away for me to keep coming up with extra jobs or income to help pay the rent and utilities. There is no giving up and there is no answer it feels like.

Since the children and I were approved for county benefits at the end of January; the stbx started paying in full to the cs department these last two and-a-half months. That was noted during the short hearing...as if he should get KUDO'S for paying the child support regularly and in full now,after 15 months of playing ridiculous, horrible games with it. All of the almost $1400 goes straight to the county since we are on benefits. I don't know if when he does pay arrears, how much we would get either to be honest; when I asked the CS department officer said he would need to research that particular part of the statute more.

I want to get off of county benefits as soon as possible and had hoped it was only for an interim period to get through til the Child Support hearing. Nothing is going to be done to help us though. Another delay. If I notify the social worker that I want to stop benefits, then he can do his routine he did before with paying the child support sporadically etc. The Child Support Department here doesn't take action (ie like taking away a drivers license etc) unless a cs check is not paid/current for 90 consecutive days. So his lawyer, his family and him have had and do have this all figured out.

He can/will/did before not pay til the 89th day..and there the kids and I will be each month trying to scrape together enough money for the rent to not get evicted. As it is with the benefits (we also thankfully get food stamps); with the cash assistance and my part time job paycheck, I still am $300 - $500 short each month. We have been so lucky to have friends who let us borrow money; I babysit, have cleaned apartments, walked dogs and also washed cars to earn money. He absolutely does not think 'we' should get any money for child support.

He tells the kids that he has them 50% of the time, so why should 'mommy' get any money? In their minds it is confusing when he puts it that way. They don't understand that he has the earning power of 5 times more than I do; that I was a full time wife and momma for most of the 16 year marriage, that I have a high school diploma but he has a masters, etc. He still maintains (to the kids and me, of course not in court) that he forbids the marriage; I should have been happy in a provided for, submissive role of wife and mother, and that he is against paying child support because that is like him paying me to do what is against his strong principles. *He has lots of principles, many of which differ depending on when he is in the public or behind closed doors...arrgh...

Also, since I don't have a lawyer, the Public Defenders Office notified me that the stbx who has 'supposedly' only been making $7 per hour these last 11 months --- that as of last Monday, his lawyer submitted a new/updated financial disclosure form which states his family's business has once again put him back into a managerial position and he is now making almost $70k.

That is the amount he made for a long time when we were married/still living together, and I submitted the last three years irs forms to the Child Support Department for documentation. How interesting. I am keeping on to the last mile; but dang it I don't understand why even though there are a few people in the 'system', ie the Child Support Department, the Public Defenders office staff --- who say its obvious he has been playing a 'game' with the cs.

Why is it this has gone on for 14 months and there has been no determination on making him pay the arrears? That arrears does not even include the larger amount of cs he was supposed to be paying for the five months I was still homeschooling the children and had them on an 80-20 parenting plan. That amount was over $2k a month, which he never paid in full either -- he like brought us cash, or bags of food from the store and put it on the doorstep, anything he could think of to humiliate me basically.

I think the CS department only officially bases the arrears on the last 12 months of employment etc? I don't really understand. They are always seemingly very professional and very nice when I ask questions. The CS department even told me I have the most complete documentation package they have seen in the last couple years, esp considering I am unrepresented; and they thought surely the judge hearing the CS issue would at least take action on part of the arrears, even if the opposing lawyer was 'questioning' the amount. Does that judge not want the kids and I to get off of welfare? Isn't the point to help us become self supporting and not continue on government benefits any longer than is necessary?

Looking up, as there is no space between us and the ground to look down at...

How stupid does that sound? I need to pull myself up by my proverbial bootstraps...gotta go look for some boots I guess...

Hoping to read some posts from others in the divorce process here this week which are more positive than mine. I can't wait to sound more positive and helpful here. Guess venting is useful too. Peace, Annah

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 11:39am

I am glad to see you looking at the positives!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 10:17pm

Annah,

I'm so sorry that this all keeps getting drug out... I'm very excited to hear that you are trying to be optimistic and look for the positives, even though it is a difficult time... I know that the whole CSE process has been full of much more red tape than I ever imagined it would be...

I love Karen's idea of changing it to weekly instead of monthly... that's a great idea... and keep your chin up... this will all work out...

Sending lots of hugs and wishes for peace your way!

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 6:57am
What is up with this guy???? He sounds a lot like my STBX. He thinks if he has the kids half-time that he won't have to pay any child support either. Even so, I've offered to let him have them half time and he says that it's "too much responsibility" (meaning he'd rather go out partying with The Skank). We've had a
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 7:25am


Oh, and that is the question of the hour, isn't it??? It AMAZES me how parents are angry at the other one, and take it out on their children. Look, I get VERY upset with my ex from time to time, but I would never create a situation that would hurt DS! For example, on the days that ex drops DS off here before school, he is supposed to pack him a lunch and snack. Often, he doesn't. What am I going to to, tell him his father's evil and send him to school without lunch to somehow punish the ex? Come on....