update and request for prayer
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| Wed, 03-07-2007 - 1:45am |
Hey there, been lurking for the past few weeks.
I went to court yesterday (3/5). It felt like the Spanish Inquisition (deposition) all over again, only with the judge in the courtroom. I was on the stand for close to an hour, getting drilled about every little thing that I've supposedly done in the past few years. They brought up any and every little thing. The other atty asked me if there was a point in time where I did not get Lauren's medicine. (She has asthma.) I told him that there was a point in time that I was not able to get her medicine. He tells me that it is a yes or no answer, so begrudgingly I answer yes. But then I said. "However, sir, that was during a time when your client was five months behind on child support and I had to decide whether I wanted to pay rent, utilities, or buy groceries." I guess I struck a nerve because his atty objected to my comments and asked the judge to strike them. His objection was overruled and my explanation stayed put.
His next question series of question were about my boyfriend. He and I have been together for 9 months. On occassion, Lauren and I will stay at his place so we can spend time with him and his sons. His son (11) and Lauren always sleep in seperate bedrooms and are always supervised. He asked me if we stayed on school nights. I said occassionally. He asked if I thought this was okay. I told him that I figured that as long as she was happy, safe, and fed that it did not matter where we stayed. I also pointed out to him that on those occassions, I drove her to school on time the next morning. Of course they didn't mention the fact that my ex was cheating on me and we hadn't even officially seperated yet when he took our daughter to the OW's house FOR THE WEEKEND the first time she met her. I've made it my purpose to take the high road so I didn't bring this up as it happened before our divorce.
After that, he brought up the point that I have made threats of not taking Lauren to see her dad on different occassions. The only reasons I have ever said that was because either 1) I did not have the gas money for the 12 hour (weekend total)round trip. or 2) Her doctor explicity told me not to because she was in extreme danger of having an asthma attack or I had to turn around and take her to the ER because she had a really bad attack of the croup.
Then he brought up my plans to go to college. At the moment, I'm planning on going to school full time, working full time, and still being able to be a decent mother. Things will have to adjust a little, but I'm certain I could do it. But he asked me how I could handle everything. I told him that things would have to adjust, but I knew I could handle it. So he asked me how I could still be a good mom with everything else. I told him that Lauren comes first no matter what. She always would. So then he asked me if Lauren knew about my plans. I told him that she did. He asked me how she felt about them and if she knew how little time I would be able to spend with her.
After that, the GAL asked me a few questions--mainly to clarify. My atty asked me a few more (for further clarification) and I (finally) got to step down.
Then it was my x's turn. He is/was counter-suing for custody. In his agreement, he would have Lauren all of the time, I would have her every other weekend, alternating holidays, and three NON-CONSECUTIVE WEEKS during her summer break. His reasoning is that she is not safe in my care for any extended period of time. (bs) He tried to make himself come off as the oh so worried parent. But then it was my atty's turn.
The next part was kinda fun because I got to watch my ex be in the hotspot. My atty drilled him about the agreement that we made the last of Nov. to begin in Dec. Before then, he had been paying me 75 every two weeks for extra gas money to take Lauren back and forth for visitation. We agreed that he would begin paying me 655monthly cs (increased from 262). Until I began receiving that amount,he would continue paying me the 75 every two weeks. However, once we signed the papers, the 75 stopped and the new amount never began. My atty got to lay into him (through questions of course) about that. Hmmmm, he didn't have an answer. When asked about the now 1500 behind he was congruent to our agreement and how/when he was going to pay. He could only say that he was going to let the state's procedures run their course. He also got drilled about the difference in our annual salaries. Mine is around $14,000 (I work full-time as a cashier.) His is around $87,000 as a computer programmer/analyst. Basically, his true colors were shown when it was pointed out that even though he was making the drastically higher amount and could afford it; he didn't care about his daughter enough to pay the amount he agreed to and made the both of us suffer a lot more.
After that, the judge told us that we would get his decision in a few days. The GAL was supposed to have his recommendation to the judge by noon yesterday and then the judge would take a couple of days to make his decision. I know that I have a lot of prayers on my side from my family and friends. However, the waiting is driving me nuts. I know the chance of her getting taken from me are slim, but they are still there. I also know that it would devastate us both--especially her because she lacks the ability to handle it as a child.
So I'm asking all of you to please remember the judge in your prayers. There is nothing more that I can do--it's up to God to lead the judge into making the decision that would best benefit Lauren. If it is not to go my way, to give me the strength to deal with the future.

So, keep your head up & you'll make it through -- so, hang in there!
Hi again! Don't give it a second thought regarding the positive energy/thoughts & prayers -- that's what we're all here for -- to give support and an ear! It's all about the energy we generate for ourselves & others, and setting our intentions accordingly and acting on them. Go with what you know is best for you and your daughter -- your stbx is not going to make your daughter a priority in his life -- he may 'say' he is, but you know better.
Been really busy this morning, so haven't checked in here since I wrote earlier. I understand that yr stbx has been paying the orig CS -- but in my mind, that amount is ridiculous by any stretch of the imagination, aside from the additional expenses of the meds and gas (which, by the way, keeps going up out here).
Again, keep strong & best of luck!
Karen ~ wildlucky4me
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
NO problem... I know that waiting is just terribly wrenching.
Hang in there... and let us know when you hear something.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Dear O,
Of course you have my prayers, and positive thoughts on this!! Keep the faith!!
I know that it seems hard now, and you're right, the not knowing is the toughest part.
It sounds as though you handled yourself well on the stand, and that will come out. The fact that your x is so far behind on the support will not go over well with the court.
Just know that we're here if you need us!! Let us know, of course, how things go!!
Laurene