Update and Thanks
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| Sun, 01-29-2006 - 10:48pm |
Just want to thank everyone for their advise and comments. I'm not sure how many of you remember me, it's been a couple of weeks since I've been on, but I've been together with my husband 8 years and married for 5 1/2. We have two small children (4 & 19 months) and my husband out of the blue about 6 months ago decided this life wasn't for him anymore. It devistated me, still devistates me.
Since I've been on here last we've had many discussion, but still the same from him...I just don't know what I want, I know I can't keep doing this to you. For those of you who have suggested counseling, we've tried that, are currently still trying. We started back in November. Our couples counselor suggested my husband go see an individual counselor to help him with some of his issues. My husband seems to like the individual counseling, but hates going to the couples counseling (doesn't suprise me considering he gets to only talk about himself in individual counseling). The couple's counseling I don't think is working because he really doesn't seem to be trying. He puts no energy into it. It's like he doesn't want it to work even though he still says he's confused and doesn't know what he wants. A friend of ours (actually a old school mate and best friend of my husband who has sense become both of our friends) sent us a marriage workshop that they did at their church last fall. He lives in another state so he sent it via email one session per day (there are 7 sessions altogether). I didn't even know this friend knew anything about our troubles. Anyway, I listened to the first one on my own and it sounded so much like what we have been going through. I thought to myself if my husband could listen to this and realize the feelings he's having and the things that we are going though are typical, normal, that everyone goes through something similar, then maybe he wouldn't feel so all alone, so trapped in his thoughts and his feelings. See that what he is feeling and doing is not so abnormal. He wouldn't even listen to them. I of course got very angry with the fact that he wouldn't even try to do something that might help him...help me. He finally said okay that he would listen, but I got no response from it, no discussion and he hasn't listened to another one. I just don't know what this is all about.
I know a strong person would see by now that he's not good for me and that I should get out while I can, but I just can't. I can't let go of the thought that maybe tomorrow will be different, maybe tomorrow he'll come to his senses and everything will be back the way it was. I know that's stupid. I know it can never be the same after all of this so why I do I want it so badly? Even if he did start acting like a human being again, how could I ever get over this? So if I think that, why do I still try? Why do I still wish and hope?
Susan

Susan,
I want to send you lots of hugs as the world of limbo you're living in is not an easy place to be... and only you can decide when enough is enough. I know in my case, I tried hard enough that I knew, regardless of the outcome, that I could honestly say that I gave ~my~ all (because you can only control your actions and such) so that I would be at peace with that outcome... either way...
For me, it meant continuing to try until I was literally physically and emotionally drained... part of that was not eating (dropped 30 pounds in probably 2-3 months), but unlike some that stress eat, I stress starve... not literally, I had some excess to lose, but you get the idea...
*hugs*
Julie
Hugs, Susan! I am in a very similar place. It's so hard not to want it to change. Even though I have made the plans I need to get on with my life I still wish and hope. My stbx started working out of town last week. It was nice not having him come in everydasy and be a physical reminder of how devastated I feel. I still missed him though. He can back on friday, friday and saturday were a great reminder of the good things that will come with divorce. But then today I got a glimpes of the man he was before. The man who loved and wanted me. That made it hard. My ds was upset when he left to go back to the town he's working in. STBX told him he was sorry, he didn't want to have to leave us again, he missed us. He's the one who wants the divorce. Is he lying to my ds? Or confused about what he wants? Either way I don't know that I could get past all of the things that have happened in the last 6 months. I think I would always be waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I'm sorry your dealing with the same thing. You are a strong person! ANyone who wants to be whatever they can to save their family is strong.