UPdate- Getting things off my chest...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2006
UPdate- Getting things off my chest...
4
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 10:36am

Hi everyone!
First of all I want to thank everyone's kind words and comical imputs! It really made me feel much better knowing that you all have 'meatheads' as well, and most of you had the same conversations as me! Very comforting to know that I'm not alone.

Well, things are hopefully finished. We ended up settling out of court on tues late afternoon. Between me at my lawyers and he at his, and a conference call we came upon an agreement. I think its fair, however there is always that nagging, "what if I over looked something important the MINUTE he signs it?? Then I'm f*cked. Does anyone have this anxiety happen to them? I've gone over it and over it, and can't come up with something missing, So I'm going to try and let it go. What else can I do, Ya know? Anyway, I am glad that I didn't have to go to trial(Since I get totally petrified, and end up talking over lawyers and judges out of pure anxiety ) and I did save TONS of money between my lawyer and the expert (child psych) witness. Both would have had to drive 2hrs to the court (Don't ask, it's RURAL maine) and would have cost me thousands!

He of course, cried poor mouth (boo hoo, cry me a river) how he 'gives, gives, gives'(gag),how he gave up his life for his kids (YEAH RIGHT!), how he's 2 months behind on his house payment (that he's now renting out), and a month behind on his car....
blah blah blah... Believe me it took every ounce of strength not to blow up at his sob stories (I have such rage at this, and will be working on getting rid of it)which are a bunch of BS. Does anyone know such a person who when talking to professionals, or "important" people, acts SOOO together, rational, calm, collected, and OH SO cooperative, so much that it makes ME look like the lunatic, but when you get them alone, they are a complete 180??? Well, that's meathead, and he does it so well.

I am glad that I didn't have to see him or his pompous lawyer who is so patronizing that I could choke him. (sorry I know I sound very bitter right now). There is two years worth of rage and sadness in me, and it's starting to come out the more I exhale...I am seeing a therapist who has been through this with me since day one, knows meathead and all of our past, so it's very helpful..

So, I will take the advice of CL-Wild and try to put into practice of bouncing the accusations and 'faults' back on to him, by doing the 'smile and tilt'lol...And I will bring up the "too bad (name inserted here) is dictating your life. Because of him, you are missing out on time with DD. I will use that for sure! THanks!

Oldnim, I feel your pain, and now she is feeling hers. KARMA is a BEAUTIFUL THING!!!!! Knowing that someday he will have his doctorate, all because of me is very frustrating, but I know that eventually, it will bite him in the A$$ as well.

Trudy, Please know that we can always commiserate together!! :) I'm finding that venting is sooo theraputic.

Justice, I wish meathead would become an 'active father', but unfortunately he has just dug his head deeper into the sand, and only pulls it out if there is something in it for him. I'm happy that your son gets such good attention from him NOW. You're right, late is better then never.

By the way, we set it up so that next summer, and every summer after that, we will have to consult with the therapist, and the expert witness to discuss what will be appropriate and healthy for DD stay with meathead. If he doesn't agree, then HE can take me back to court, and doesn't have her at all until it gets resolved. (by the way, he wanted her for 7 consecutive weeks this summer without me visiting her) RIGHT! HA! What he got was 2 weeks a month june, july, aug. Which is appropriate and healthy for her. AND Depending on how he sticks to his visitations throughout the year, consistancy wise, also puts into account of how long he has her next summer. SO it's all up to him from this point on..

Sorry about the book, I get so long winded sometimes...

Lisa

boston.png Boston Girl image by EmmaLee192

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 2:26pm

I still feel my blood pressure rise when my EX's mouth opens and his line of garbage begins to trail out.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2006
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 2:41pm

Thanks for the words of encouragement.. It's really hard to "take it" when he gives me a bunch of BS.. i guess it's a matter of practice. I think now that the settlement is done (hopefully) I can move on with MY life, and think of other things (positive ones)to fill my energy with...It's hard to do, ykwim? For two years I've been so focused on this, that I don't know what to do with myself.. I'm kind a lost.
Ever feel this way?

Lisa

boston.png Boston Girl image by EmmaLee192

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 2:49pm

Definitely!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2006
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 3:36pm

There has been a lot of transition and upheaval, I start a new job on Monday, finishing up another one tomorrow, going to court two days ago, trying to figure out summer schedules.. etc.. it's all so over whelming!

Thanks for the advice.. I am actually planning to reorganize a closet or two and will definately be painting my older daughters room... ;)

Lisa

boston.png Boston Girl image by EmmaLee192