Update on mediation/ settlement conference

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2011
Update on mediation/ settlement conference
8
Fri, 09-07-2012 - 1:44pm

Thanks everyone for the advice, but unfortunatly nothing was acheived. My attorney was there with me (sorry forgot to mention that!) She and I  were in a seperate room from he and his attorney. Maybe that was a mistake? We decided to do away with all of the money he took from joint accounts because it's difficult to prove, and plus have to go over every single detail dating back 2+ yrs ago. We chose (my lawyers advice) to maintain the shared 50/50 custody, even though they are with me more, because I can document everything after the divorce is final, and always change that later if need be. So the only issue was the marital home. Currently on the market for 164,000.00 (underpriced) STBX still living there, home has no mortgage. I brought with me proof of what my home would rent for, which is not less than $1500.00 month if he moved out. So, I asked for a buyout from him of 90,000.00. My half of the home's value, and half what I've paid in rent 2 years. And we lowered these numbers down to make it more attractive to him. He refused. Not only refused but said he wants me to buy him out for that. WTF! I am so livid. I moved 25 miles away to a county where I can afford to rent/buy. I offered to buy him out many times over the year and a half before I moved to another county. Now my kids are in different schools. My business is where I live now. What an ass to suggest that to me now! If I did that 2 years ago, my kids would be settled, and my payment would be half what it is now. The judge ordered our home sold last Dec, and he has activly devalued it to prevent it's sale. Mine is the 2nd lowest priced pool home in the area. My lawyer actually ended the mediation abruptly after this went on for 2 hrs (pluswas an hour from my home huge waste of time) She was so pissed at him. Outside she told me that I should buy him out, just to kick his ass out and then sell the home myself or rent it. Or I can move back into it, but why after 2 rs do that? I don't want to live there, and the kids love their new schools. I don't want to go back in time, I want to move on! Most of all, I just think it's so sad for my poor kids who need stability. They will have to move again when I find a home, and also with their father. The only good think about him leeching off me in the marital home has been that when they are at Dad's they have all their toys, same beds, etc. With me I've had to buy all new. How would I explain to them that Mommy is buying the home we've had for 5 years, but we're not going to live in it? I am not a hateful person, but I'll loathe this man to no end

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2000
Fri, 09-07-2012 - 6:23pm
How do we end up in situations like this anyway? When we married these men, they seemed so nice, loving, and sweet, then turned into trolls! Mine is bipolar, so I can at least take solace in the fact that it's not me, it's his mental illness, but even I have to admit that he was a great actor, because I never anticipated any of this. I'm sorry your EX is still being a turd about the house, especially since you are the one working your butt off and basically supporting everyone while he's enjoying your nice pool home and wrecking it to get back at you. For what, who knows! My STBX is also angry and vindictive towards me, and like you, he's the one who wanted out! I just don't understand these guys at all. I send you a cyber (((HUG))) You will get through this and come out stronger for it, and one day, it will just be an unpleasant memory vs. the most annoying, frustrating thing in your entire life. Stuff like this does sort of make you wish your Ex could get sucked into an alternative universe, though.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 09-07-2012 - 7:55pm

I was going to say the same thing as your lawyer--if you can qualify for the mortgage, buy him out just to get the thing over with.  But if it's really worth $164,000, then pay him $80,000.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2011
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 1:35pm

I meet with her this week to go over everything. The annoying part of it all is that I offered to buy him out 3x over the last 2 years, before I moved away. He has refused everytime. I'm sure that when I offer up proof of funding he will again refuse. We can't even take it to court because the judge took the option away from us last December by putting the home on the market. I just recieved an email from our realtor with photos of the home, and she was very upset at the condition. He has not complied at all with the latest court order, and our mediation was an attempt to help him & keep him out of jail. I'm anxious too see what comes of this, and sick to my stomach over what he's done to the house. He is ruining himself too by doing this

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Mon, 09-10-2012 - 10:51am

Unfortunately its a bad market for selling I would think.. Under the law I would assume you or he would get to live there till house is sold .. So he can stay there until house is sold but looks like its not getting sold fast enough.. Your ex is smart in that he knows this and has a free place to live till house is sold.. He doesnt care what condition its in and gets to live for free unless a judge ordered him out and that is not happening.

No wonder your ex doesnt want to cooperate. He probably has nowhere to go that is free.

If he doesnt pay child support then the courts will find that money from him through whatever means..

Your only option is to wait this out or buy him out and he wont do that for spite.

Oh; so who is paying the bills on the house?? You ? Him??

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2011
Tue, 09-11-2012 - 11:25am

yep, that's exactly what he's doing. He is just milking living free as long as he can. He now has the utilities in his name, after they came after me for a $340 amount threatening to shut off electric. I had to pay a deposit of $285 at my rental because he never paid that bill on time. It's now in his name, and I have no clue if he pays it. He get's free food. He applied at the local civic center claiming to be needy- no lie.  He has a cell phone. A nice Iphone. I have a piece of crap non interenet phone with 2 of my boys on my plan. As far as I know, since he pays nothing for the kids clothes, food his only expenses are his cell phone, gas, and utilites. He works full time, and makes good money, but files 1099 and claims nothing. When he does file. (still hasn't for 2011) He doen't get a tax refund, so nothing for child support to take from. He just keeps losing his lisense and then paying the minimum to get reinstated. He hasn't paid the home tax in 2 years. Meanwhile, I have rent, car payment, utilities, phones, and kids school clothes. Luckily I get some food benefits, but only covers about half, and runs out this month. And my kids have medicaid but I have no insurance. He would never make it a day in my shoes!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Tue, 09-11-2012 - 11:35am

Hugs Deenie!  I will never understand how some of these fathers can claim they are poor and not support or even try to support their children!!  Here is the mom who is left with the responsibility of the children and of course she will do everything in her power to make sure her children are fed, clothed and have a roof over their head.  Geez!  My sister is dealing the same thing with her exh.  All he does is cry poor.  I know my sister would work 3 jobs if need be to support her girls.  Why can't your ex or my sister's ex go get a part time job at McDonald's to at least help out a little?!!  People often tell my sister to take her exh back to court, but with what money? And what will be the result as the ex is 'self-employed' and will cry poor?

All I can offer you is an ear to listen and cyber hugs.  I hope your problem is resolved soon Deenie!

Hugs,

Ollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2011
Wed, 09-12-2012 - 3:02pm
thank you Ollie :smileyhappy: your word are very kind & true! Today is my ex's day with the kids, and again he failed. He was supposed to bring my son's golf bag to his first school match. Luckily Mom came to the rescue & stopped working to do it. Now I have to work all night tonite after the kids go to him. Wonderful.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2000
Wed, 09-12-2012 - 8:41pm
There are a lot of "fathers" who will only work until the courts catch up with them, then they quit so they don't have to pay child support. It's really sleazy, and not exactly the best way to parent. I could maybe understand if you had a one nighter with someone and ended up being a parent with someone you didn't know, but these guys were married and lived with their kids for years. It just doesn't make sense to me, but I guess some guys are so hateful towards their ex's that they just don't care who they hurt in their efforts to get back at them.