Update for the ones that has followed me

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2004
Update for the ones that has followed me
5
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 11:50am
Well tonite was senior night at the football game. I walked out on the field with my daughter. They announced her daddy and my name. She was o.k. until it was over. She was crying so hard...don't know if it was for me or for her. I was really surprised at how many divorced parents were together for their child tonight. About an hour before the game a friend of mine called and said that my husband and his 22 year old was at a car lot looking at cars....she must have money because he doesn't -- my friend saw my husband talking on a pay phone at a store and she pulled up to him and asked him what was going on...he told hernothing -she asked him who the woman was and he said a 22 year old friend he was just riding around with. He told her that he didn't want to talk to me -- one day in the future he might -but not in person - she told him the only way he would be able to ever talk to me would be at work. She asked him why he hadn't had anything to do with his children. He said because he didn't want them to ask him to come home or to stay....what the heck....they probably would never do that anyway. She asked him if he was on drugs and he said no that he hadn't done drugs in years. What a laugh. She asked him if he had a job and he said he was starting one Monday.. where he would get on a bus here in Georgia and go down to Pensacola and drive from there....the woman must be paying the way. That was probably all a lie anyway. This has really hurt today....it was like the day he told me back in September before he left that he didn't call here because he didn't want to talk to me. I tried so hard to forget that statement. My friend said he asked what I had done....I told her she should have said screwed every 19 year old in town....just kidding --- no I really did say that --- but of course it isn't true. She said he was talking about like filing for divorce. She told him she didn't know. I know he knows because that friend of his that caused all the problems to begin with told me he told him. So I guess tonight I officially consider my marriage over....he has truly left me. My friend told me this morning that he didn't actually say 22 year old - she asked him who the woman was that he had been riding around town with was and he said "she ain't a woman - she's just a youngun" isn't that really perverted. I am honestly feeling SO BAD this morning. I just can't make myself understand how he has walked out and left EVERYTHING. Clothes, tools, just stuff and most of all his kids. It should have been me leaving him...I'm the one that hasn't had affairs, havent' done drugs, been arrested or had 200 jobs. I sure wish i knew in Georgia how long it takes for your license to be suspended. I know the notice has been sent into the state but that was like the 24th of October. I guess I will never understand why he left. I feel so empty this morning, so void....we had always done things together - and I'm not the type nor would i want to do things alone. So I guess ---I don't even know what i guess. I just know that I'm not the type of person to want to be alone I have always said that.....I know I have my children but that's not what I mean. I feel like just breaking down and crying for hours.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 11:59am

Please stop doing this to yourself. You will never understand why he is the way he is because you are not a man. What you should do is not even get information about him. It only upsets you more.

He is a disgusting human being for not being there for his daughter. She knows it too. You should, however be sure not to speak badly about him, just support her.

He obviously has some major issues, would you really want him around?

Vent anytime you want here. I do it too!!!

I also vent in Toxic relationships and survivors of Domestic Violance because i am a member.

He is not worth your thought. Forget about him.

Being single sucks. it is frightening and scary. i joined support groups and clubs.

You sound like a great mom. Stay involved and love your life. you can do it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 12:09pm

Oh, gal_jasper, that is so hard! My heart is breaking for you just reading your post. You have to let this go, as much as it hurts. You are going to get through this and go on and be happy again. You are a strong women, and you will be able to make a better life for yourself and your kids. It will get better. Hang in there.

Sending you hugs and tons of positive thoughts,

Rebecca

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2004
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 12:25pm
Everyone keeps telling me the same things -- that things are going to get better. You are probably right - the less I know about him the better. But it is not fair that he KNOWS how many bills we have and he isn't giving us one single penny. My mama keeps thinking that once the divorce is final and now it will be January since it was done by publication - as long as he doesn't answer at all - he won't have to sign or anything. Anyway she thinks he will have to start paying child support - but I sure don't count on it. If he did have to start paying would they go back to the day he left us? Or would it start at the day of the divorce? I didn't use a lawyer so I don't know. I am so trying to move forward. But everything around me reminds me of him - mainly because he could fix anything...he was the one that worked on everything....but I really think maybe I will begin progressing. We had been planning on going to a Dierks Bentley concert tonight - it had been planned for a long time - my daughter and her boyfriend went and they wanted me to go with them ... but it is outside and I thought it would be to cold. And besides I really didn't want to do something that we had already planned to do together...besides my son has "lost" the key to our house - to the new door locks - it makes me so mad - I tell him every single day to put them in the same place....so I'll be helping him look for that for a while. I'm really not trying to have a pity party -- but sometimes things just seem so UNFAIR.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2004
Thu, 11-16-2006 - 6:06pm
New update..I'm trying so hard like everyone says to not think about him that he isn't worth my thoughts - and he isn't....but once again today he was in town and that girl from Arizona was driving his truck...this is SO strange - he never lets anyone drive his truck and this is happening almost daily. I wish that they would get the heck out of Georgia - he hasn't contacted his family at all - other than one collect call wanting $50.00 for gas. He has even tried to contact either of our children and he rides by here EVERY day...I wonder if something has snapped in his brain because he is being seen all over town on every payphone during the DAYTIME...we live in a small town...everyone is talking about him - and she is with him everytime. Nobody has actually seen them speak to each other though. It is the strangest thing -- one of them has got to be making money somehow because how else would they be putting gas in the truck and it is 18 miles each way from where they are staying. He came to my house at 2:00 a.m. Sunday morning...ringing the door bell over and over - I called my daddy (I had no idea who it was) he came and talked to him said he just kept saying how bad he wanted me back....well hello - I was here all day long Sunday (other than church) and even saw his truck ride by and he never stopped. Of course she may have been driving. Insurance cancels tomorrow on the truck....but just talked to the agent and it will be a good 10 days before it lapses...that makes me sick...what if she wrecks -- my name is the 1st name on the insurance policy. My washing machine has messed up tonight....he could work on anything. He hasn't called me at work even one time to ask about seeing me or the kids and he rides by my office everyday. I really believe that something has snapped with him because I don't even think drugs could do this....but after 25 years of use I guess your body can only take so much. I told him the one time I talked to him that I had filed for divorce - but I'm not sure he believed me or even comprehended it. He told my daughter when she pulled up beside him and the woman last Tuesday that he was still taking us to Panama City for Thanksgiving and that he loves us so much. Now isn't that dilusional? He has no job..hasn't gave me a penney of money since September 25th and he thinks we are still going to Panama? Does he even realize he has another woman with him??? I have give up even trying to talk to those other truck drivers. I think that they lie for each other. I sort of feel guilty that he doesn't have our home number..but if he wanted to talk to us he could just stop...it was his woman's fault that I had the phone numbers changed.I know I'm going on and on but it has been one of those days. And they are ticking me off being in town riding around in a truck that I'm insuring and that for some reason the bank hasn't repossessed...it is 3 months past due...it's not that hard to find someone that is on every street corner. I'm working my butt off and then coming home, helping with homework, worrying about the holidays, etc....
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2004
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 5:56am
well - after I typed the message last night - I was in the kitchen getting my coffee ready for the next morning - I was walking past a window and saw an 18-wheeler pulling up in my driveway (not unusual - because alot of trucks park out there) but I stood there watching it (it was dark outside) because I thought how strange it was that the truck was pulling up and backing up in the exact space that my husband had always parked in. My son and his friend wanted to know what I was looking at - and I told them the truck. A few minutes later I saw my husband walking up the sidewalk....I was really SHOCKED. I went to the back door and went out and talked to him for about 20 minutes...he said that he had just started a new job and was headed to Memphis, Tennessee. I asked him about the girl...he STILL claims that it was a different girl that everyone had been seeing him with - that the one from Arizona was LONG gone...I told him that his friend had told me different and said it was the same one --- he said his friend was lying to me. I told him that I bet the girl was in the truck with him..he said that I was more than welcome to go out there and look or to send our son out there. I told him that I had never went and looked at any truck he had ever driven and I sure wasn't going to start now. I asked him if he wanted to talk to our son and daughter (actually I asked him several times) he kept saying he was in no shape to talk to them (and he really wasn't). I kept asking him "why did you leave me, I would have NEVER left you" he said that he thought he wasn't happy but that now he knew what true unhappiness was. He showed me his wrist where he had tried to kill himself - he said he thought he had cut a nerve. I asked him if he was keeping something on it to keep it from getting infected and he said yes. I told him that if he would have went to the emergency room that night he did that - that they could have probably sewed it up and then they would have sent him to a state hospital for trying to committ suicide. I asked him over and over and over if he needed any kind of mental, physical, or drug abuse help...he said no every time. He swore that my daughter and her boyfriend did NOT see his truck in town yesterday afternoon. After he left my daughter told me she was POSITIVE it was his truck. I believe that he honestly believes EVERYTHING he was telling me. I could just tell that he did. He still was telling me that it was him mama that told me about the girl calling and threatening me. I said no it was not - she told me it wasn't --- he told me to call her on the phone - he kept insisting - so i went in and got the phone and called his mother - and she could hear him saying over and over that she was the one that told me that...finally she just told me to act like I was agreeing with him. I called her back after he left - she said you are right something has happened to him--- she said the drugs had to burn his brain out. He told me he loved me more than anything and that he wanted to come home -- but he NEVER asked to come home - not that I would have let him anyway (not now at least)he never asked for our new phone number - he did talk about how he had no way to call anyone other than a pay phone and that after he started getting a check that he would send me money and that he would get a pre-paid phone. I don't think he realizes that they are going to repossess his truck. I told him about the insurance - he said well my truck is parked. He showed me his key to the truck and he said that he had the only one other than the one that I had....well I don't care what he said or who he says that woman is - she is still a woman...whether he has a relationship or not with her..he said he had to have someone drive him around because of his wrist. I really don't know how he is driving a big truck with his arm like that. I had told him that Sunday that I talked to him that I had filed for divorce - but I'm not sure that he remembers that. Like I said something is JUST NOT RIGHT in his head - I am assuming he passed a drug test to get the truck driving job. And maybe this is the answer for him and for me --- he will be working, making money, maybe being happy, and I won't have to worry about people telling me that he is town everyday. I told him that I would have stayed with him for the rest of his life and that he may have thought we didn't "talk" about anything - that is so strange because he is the quietest person I know - and he was never around for us to "talk". But that we could have grown old together. He told me he loved me and I told him that I loved him too - and he left. I could tell that my son was upset after he left - I asked him if he had wanted to see his daddy (and you know he did) but he said no. I sit him down and explained that his daddy just had a problem and that maybe this job would be the beginning of an answer. I told him that one day I hoped that things would work out with his daddy...and told him about the danger of trying drugs even once. He kept saying he understood - but he is only 13....and when his daddy was home he played with him for hours on end...so a big part of his life has been missing. Anyway, I just thought that I would post another update.....I really feel sorry for my husband.....he really did give up everything and just doesn't realize it (well I think he realizes it - but I don't think he can think clearly at all). The company he is working with now keeps you gone - this is the 1st job that he has had that is suppose to keep you gone and maybe that is what he needs. But a truck driving husband is NOT what I need - I need someone here with me --- to take care of me and to take care of things....and I didn't even like him driving a truck when he was suppose to home on the weekends...but this will probably make things easier on me and the kids.