Update, some good, some bad.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
Update, some good, some bad.....
2
Thu, 07-27-2006 - 10:23am

Hello everyone, I hope this note finds you all "hanging in there". I've been so busy with my cousin's wedding coming up tomorrow (my DD is a jr. bridesmaid), I haven't had a chance to write.

Court date now Monday, 8/7. I just got off the phone with my attorney, STBX has agreed to pay the mortgage for August. Phew. Then she calculated roughly the child support to $222 a week, that of course, is without the alimony she's going to ask for. Also, he has 267K in his 401K which she said, makes a great bargaining unit for us, because it looks like I'll be able to get the house "free and clear" as long as I don't touch is 401K. Fair enough she said because he can't touch that 401K for another 20 years without penalty and I will have the equity etc. in the house, so that was GOOD NEWS! Though I am wondering if he's spinning about paying the mortgage, he he.

STBX has since been found sleeping on my couch when I got home from work the night he was picking up the kids, stopped in with a friend drunk while I was visiting with a girlfriend on the deck, etc. My atty. said the court date will put an end to him coming and going as he pleases. Thank God.

The last few days, for some crazy reason, I've been really sad. I think I'm tired trying to get everyone ready for this wedding, but I find myself actually sad that STBX will no longer be a part of my life, etc. Is that crazy or what? Geez! I was doing so good and now I really feel like I miss him! I guess after 1/2 my life, this is very normal, and though I'm feeling these feelings, I know that what I'm doing is best for me and my kids....I guess it's just the fact that I've known no other way, he's always been in my life but really, without him home, there's nothing missing! Does that make sense?

So....keep me in your thoughts, send me some strength vibes. I just don't want to be sad at court, I don't want him to see me sad!

Hugs to all you guys! Thanks for reading if you made it this far!
Jennifer

Jennifer

Proud Mom of Travis (15) and Mandi (10)

and our pets, Sully the Dog and Till

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2006
Thu, 07-27-2006 - 2:11pm

Jennifer-

I'm not much of a poster, but more of a lurker. Something in your message caught my eye and I felt like I had to respond.

The point that caught my eye was that your court date is 8/7. How ironic is it, that is my 24th wedding anniversary. My court date is at the end of August.

I know what you mean about just being sad some days. I am like that. Some days I am so strong and think "I can do this, I am strong" and other days I am like "what am I going to do without him in my life?" I mean, he will always be a part of my life because we have 3 kids together. But I mean, in MY life. Then I get sad and a little depressed.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as your court date gets close. I think we can all use all the prayers and thoughts we can get.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 07-29-2006 - 8:01pm


Thank God is right! That can NOT be good for your mental health. At least there's an end in sight. Phew!



Not crazy at all. I used to do the EXACT same thing. I'd work myself into a frenzy reminding myself about all the "good" times we had. Then I'd stop and look at the situation logically. OK, I'd remember the time we went on vacation and had fun. But what about the HUNDREDS of nights I sat crying on the couch, alone and miserable? Any time I started to get nostalgic, I'd look at the reality of the situation. It was largely an unhappy, unhealthy marriage, with the occasional few hours of fun. To get out of my funk, I'd also make a list of things I would not have to tolerate any more, and I swear, it always made me feel better. And I'd just keep adding to the list!


Your feelings are TOTALLY normal. Now go make that list! ;)