Verbal Confrontation

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Verbal Confrontation
17
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 3:29am

Today was not the best day of my life...imagine that!

My STBX Called about 11:45 a.m. to tell me that his 18 year old daughter was coming to pick our baby girl up. Somehow that hit me wrong and I told him "No. If you want your daughter you have to pick her up yourself." He sent the 18 year old anyway. I would not let my baby go with her and her fowl mouth was flying. She called me every name in the book and I lost it. ie. I was not nice either.

The 18 year old left and got her dad who showed up calling me every name in the book too!!! I lost it with him too. I am so ashamed because I allowed this man to lower me to his level. Anyway...

He sped off with my baby in the car and I called the police. They went to his house and waited for him to arrive. When he did, they cited him for no insurance, invalid drivers license, no child restraints, habitual traffic offender and no valid registration. The police told him that he was to deliver our daughter to me at the police station from here on out because he is verbally abusive to me.

I cannot believe that a grown man can get away with all that he has...thats another story. I need to know that I'm not crazy...help!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 8:58am

OH.MY.GOD. that is so dangerous, and crazy - of course you did the right thing but not giving the baby to his daughter, and by calling the police.


Yes, you should've restrained yourself from stooping to his level..... but who here hasn't done that once or twice... it gets to the best of us.


ughhh. at least you have this all on record. too bad that your baby has to go thru this. is there any way that you can meet him, let's say, at social services instead of at the police station?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 8:59am
What a horrible situation for your baby! I am glad you called the police and that they cited him. You might want to check out a book I just read, "Ex-etiquette for Parents: Good Behavior After a Divorce Or Separation" by Jann Blackstone-Ford, Sharyl Jupe. Hopefully next time you can avoid getting drawn into the mess. I wouldn't have let my baby go with a foul mouthed disrespectful teenager either.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 12:37pm

Thanx Ladies! Your input makes me feel a little better...However, I cannot pick her up at the Social Service Dept. on Sundays as they are closed. I have tried and tried to get the courts here to see what kind of a lousy husband and father he has been to me and all of his children (hence the foul mouthed teenager, one of three). All the evidence in the world will never convince the courts that he is lacking maturity...Unfortunately, I am not acting maturely either...says alot for me, doesn't it?

I will take your advice and go pick up the book that you recommended though...I will NEVER be enticed into such an ugly scene again if I can help it!!!

All of this took place in front of my baby, and I know she feels and absorbs the tension between her father and I...I also know that she doesn't deserve such a lack of respect for her feelings!!! What am I to do? I want him gone and out of her life, but how?

Venting again and feeling like I'm going crazy!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 1:32pm

>>>I want him gone and out of her life, but how?<<<

This is probably the toughest situation to be in. You can't force him out of her life, he's her father and if he's going to leave that has to be his choice. If you force him out, she might grow up and resent you for it. You have to encourage the relationship between them and set a better example for her when she's with you. She will grow up and see what kind of father he is for herself, and she will have your love, support and wisdom to guide her and your example to follow.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 1:55pm
You are more than right...but, this man has no heart to speak of...It beats, but there is no soul behind it, and I want her to grow up knowing that just FEELING is OK...emotions are an every day part of life, whether it be happy or sad, angry or melancholy, or just even-keyed. I guess I just want her to be in touch with herself, who she is, what she wants and to know that how to achieve this without someone, anyone, to hold her back...all of my kids deserve at least that much!!!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 3:58pm
You can give your child all the knowledge how to be that way, and she will see firsthand that her father is not a good father, and she will chose to follow your example. You are her mother. Nothing he can do will reduce the influence you have in her life. His shortcomings will damage his relationship with her all by itself with no help from you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 8:39pm
Your deffinitly not crazy. You need to do what ever you can to protect yourself emotionaly and physicaly. Picking up his child is not his daughters or anyone else's responsibility.... its his. If he wants her then he can pick her up. Don't feel bad about the way you reacted. You know what your really like inside. Don't let anyone make you think otherwise just because the situation got out of controle. hugs
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 11:17pm
Thank you! I know that her safety and mine is my #1 priority...I just feel foolish for ever letting them get to me...again! I just need to remember that I don't need to act like them anymore and refuse to do so. One of these days, everything that he does to people will come back to slap him in the face and he will be made accountable for all the grief and heartache he has caused...I honestly think this man gets a kick out of hurting me...what do you think?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 1:39am

GOOD FOR YOU! I cant beleive that he was cited for all that, AND was driving like that w/ yoru baby! How old is she btw? Obviously she NEEDS to be in a CAR SEAT. Is that something you can bring to court? he cant HAVE her if she is in danger! & it soudns like the 18 yr old is no picnic either!

HUGS! R~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 1:41am
She will be ... b/c her primary home is with you, & he primary caretaker is YOU. xo

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