very strange question . need advice
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| Tue, 02-06-2007 - 1:09pm |
I may be suffering through another divorce soon. My H (of 2 years) is an alcoholic and refuses treatment and is becoming extremely abusive. It's not what I want but I believe it to be inevitable.
This is my 2nd marriage, his first. I have 3 kids (first marriage) we have no kids together. I have some financial concerns and actually that is what has been keeping me in the marriage this long. My first divorce (after being married 16 yrs) was a mess. I basically lost everything. I was poorly advised and we ended up splitting everything 50/50.. I lost my home etc. I ended up with Cancer less than a year after the divorce and was only given a short time to live. I tried to work, tkae care of the 3 small kids but ended up using most of my savings and ruined my credit because i got so far behind on things. I also ended up with credit card debt because although I was working I had no disability and I only had so many saved vacation and sick days.. so medical bills, drugs etc went on my card.
Now here I am again. I bought a house together with my fiance (now husband) before we got married. I put all my savings into the downpayment. The house is listed in both our names ae we are both on the mortgage. Everything else we have is seperate. I'm going to a consumer credit place to get my CC accounts paid through them. They are all in my name and began long before we were married. He has his credit cards all in his name totaling a few thousand. My H tells me when he wants to leave me (which is about once a week when he's drunk) that I can have the house, the equity, the bills etc he doesn't want anything but in exchange I have to assume his credit card debt. Well, the equity in the home is way more than his debt and even though I don't think that's fair considering it was my downpayment.. I would agree to that. However if he doesn't agree to this when the time comes is there a way to prove that I paid the downpayment? I remember this from my first marraige and that particular judge said that a downpayment is a "gift to the marriage" so it should be split however this case is very different. I out of my own checking account pay the mortgage every month. Also my H leaves me off and on and goes home to his mom while I continue to keep up the house. In fact no one would even realize he lives there. his phone number is still listed to his mothers house, he has never changed his checking account info still has it listed to his old address (in fact it's still in his name and his MOM's), his drivers license, social security everything is still listed to his former address. He has never changed anything to show he lives with me. the only thing that has his name on are a couple of the utilities.
I know I should be asking a lawyer this and I apologize. I got rates from a couple and honestly can't afford that right now. there is legal aid but I "make too much to qualify" which is a joke. I have been afraid to break up the marriage because I do not want to lose everything again. I would like to recoup my down payment (I will have to sell my house) and use it to pay off bills and keep any equity would be nice. I've been working 1 full and 2 part time jobs to try to keep up with the mortgage, utilites and everything else and I just can't keep it up. My H has been spending about 1/2 his monthly income towards alcohol the only thing he contributes to is his own car payment. If we go in front of a judge I almost feel like saying he hasn't bee living here.. look at his information they have his old address on them I'm the one living and paying for the house!
I guess I would just like to hear any advice, experiences etc. Thanks so much!

Hi Rocket
I responded to you on "loving an alcoholic board." This is such a hard situation and i understand your struggle and frustration. I am told that it gets easier, and i am sure that it is true. Even when the future appears to be so bleak and dark, know that there is light at the end. I am struggling myself this week.
I grew up in an alcoholic home. My father drank and still does. Although now hes 73 so he no longer drinks as much. My mother was bipolar and did not get out of bed for days at a clip. i don't want that for my children.
if you want to talk off line, send me an email through my profile. i would be happy to chat.
C
I'm not a professional, but it seems like you have a paper trail that would prove your financial investment in your home. If you can produce the check for the down payment and all the checks for the mortgage payments you'll have a strong case.